Into The Ocean
by DirtyChiChi
Summary: When things become too much, Squalo leaves. Does Xanxus care? Deal with slash, abuse, rape, emotional anxiety, mpreg Contains: Xanxus/Squalo, Squalo/? and mentions other pairings. Somewhat AU
1. Light In Flame

Prologue  
>Light in Flame<p>

Panting could be heard throughout the room, and a slick popping sound accompanied as Xanxus pulled his softening member out of his second in command, who grunted in response. They lay side by side, skin hot and sweaty, lungs desperately seeking air.

It was a relatively new occurrence, the whole sex between them. Squalo himself had often thought about what sex with his boss would be like. So much rage and power, it made him feel strange, like he was the prey for once. _'Well now I know how it feels, I guess.' _He thought to himself, as he looked at the dark man beside himself.

Squalo turned on his side making sure to put his hair behind him, and rested his head on Xanxus' broad chest, nestling in the crook of his arm, letting go a sigh of content.

The shark's feeling of content and happiness lasted for about two seconds as the dark skinned man shrugged Squalo away, "Fuck off, I'm not in the mood to put up with that shit." Xanxus murmured as he turned his back to Squalo, and pulled the blankets up.

"What do you mean 'that shit'?" Squalo asked angrily, sitting up. His hair fell and cascaded all around him like a white waterfall, and when Xanxus turned his head to look at the skinny man, he had to admit to himself that Squalo was beautiful. But he could also admit that he was loud, annoying and bitchy.

"You know what I mean." Xanxus sneered, "All that cuddling crap, you're not a God damn women." In truth Xanxus more or less didn't like holding his rain guardian because of what it made him feel.

Squalo gave him his best death glare, his fiery temper rearing its ugly head. "So you can shed blood with me on the battle field but you can't hold me?" Squalo gritted through his teeth and clenched his real hand. "This is getting really old Xanxus."

"Listen trash, I don't give a shit what you want." Xanxus retorted, his voice becoming low and dangerous. _'Who's the shark think he is to talk to me like that?'_ Xanxus thought, glaring at Squalo. "I'm the boss, not you." The dark Italian shouted, reaching out and grabbing his guardian's arm and pulled him closer. "If you didn't want to play by my rules then you shouldn't have vowed yourself to me!"

"When I swore myself to you it was because you weren't afraid of anything!" Squalo yelled back, his voice becoming louder and louder as he ranted; it almost became a presence itself. "Fuck if I knew back then that you can't even handle a relationship, can't even handle yourself!"

"I wish you did! You could have stayed with that weak loser Cavallone. You're a weak piece of trash that's only good for one thing." Xanxus was going off the handle, and the fact that he even mentioned Dino mad him madder on some level. In a way, Xanxus did want to stop berating Squalo. But it was past the point where he could stop himself. Without thinking he added, spitting in Squalo's face and bruising his arm, "I should have got rid of you in the very beginning. A whore from a nothing family"

Squalo yanked his arm out of Xanxus' hand with such ferocity and speed that it almost startled him, and he had to wonder if he had burned him. Squalo leaped out of the bed, taking the blankets with him and angering Xanxus further, and stormed towards the door. Squalo open the door, managing to spit a quick 'fuck you' out and pushing a pricy vase of a stand before slamming the door; Leaving behind him a satisfying shattering of porcelain and a dick-headed boss.

Unfortunately what Squalo couldn't avoid was the rest of the Varia seeing him naked, save for some blankets, and their laughter following him all the way back to his room. "Bunch of hyena shits," Squalo muttered as he slammed his door.

* * *

><p>The whole Varia house was a flurry of activity. Maids hurried about, dusting and vacuuming while chiefs prepared expensive meats and sweet desserts. Everyone, except the actual Varia guardians themselves, where preparing for one of their 'family' meetings, which consisted of the Vongola and Cavallone coming over to 'discuss important matters'. What usually happened was more to do with getting drunk than discussing anything.<p>

Squalo and Xanxus were far from getting ready to entertain guests. Instead, they were in Xanxus' office arguing. It had been a few days since the bedroom incident, and there hadn't been much time to cool off.

'_How can I even calm down when Xanxus is treating me like shit?' _Squalo fumed, slamming his fists on the large wooden desk that his boss was currently seated behind. "Why the hell did you send me on this mission? A God damned child could have completed this!" The silver haired guardian rubbed his temples, trying to calm down. Not that he really wanted to, but he also didn't want to look weak and childish. "The guy was completely incompetent, and unguarded. Why even waste my time?"

Xanxus kept on pretending to look over paperwork, his only response was a monotone "Because." _'Because I thought you would like an easy mission for a change. Because I didn't want you to get hurt. _ Xanxus quickly banished those thoughts, putting the papers down and looking at his second in command. "I gave you a mission that even you could complete. I give trash trash missions."

"You know what? You are such a-"Before Squalo was able to dig in he was interrupted by a timid nock on the door.

He swiftly opened the door to find one of the maids, bowed and nervous. "Uh-um, Sir? The Vongola and Cavallone are here." With that she bowed even lower and made her hasty exit down the hall.

Squalo just turned and glared at Xanxus before following in the direction of the maid. Xanxus sighed and strode out after him with more cockiness than he felt.

* * *

><p>"Ah, the ever lovely Varia!" A blonde haired, brown eyed man laughed as he and a few men entered the large voyeur. "So nice of you to have us over!"<p>

"I wouldn't have you over if I could help it." Xanxus remarked, eyeing down the young Cavallone. Xanxus didn't like Dino, he was just like Tsuna; Soft, weak and clumsy. Not to mention good friends with Squalo, but what did he care?

Dino just laughed it off, not wishing to start anything with the scarred mafioso. He turned his attention towards the rain guardian instead. "How my one hand man doing?" He smiled, as they began their march towards the dining room where the Vongola were currently waiting, and where they were to eat while discussing future plans.

"Fuck off ugly horse." Squalo shot back rather loudly, causing Dino to laugh once again and clap a hand on Squalo's shoulder. Although Squalo shrugged it off and bunched Dino in the ribs, the sight of anyone toughing the shark caused Xanxus' temper to rise its head.

When they were all seated a low buzz of noise filled the room as the inhabitants began talking to whoever was beside them, which was unfortunate for Squalo who was in his usual spot beside Xanxus.

"Pass me the salt shit head," Xanxus grumbled in between swigs of his drink.

"Seriously? You can't just ask me like a normal person asshole?" Squalo bite back, not in the mood for his boss' crap. "Or I guess you're just not _in the mood for that shit._" He added mockingly.

"Did I offend the lady?" Xanxus sneered, taking another sip of whiskey, rehashing their most recent fight with Squalo.

"You such idiot, you know that? You're not going to get shit from me except a punch in the face." Squalo hissed as he set he wine glass down rather harshly, causing some of its contents to slide out.

Xanxus just looked at him for a bit, which made Squalo grow even angrier; and when he noticed some of the others watching their argument he became somewhat embarrassed.

"Fine." Xanxus said as he reached for the salt. As he pulled his arm back he made sure to knock over his subordinate's wine glass. He causally began shaking salt onto his food and Squalo shot back, knocking over his chair.

Squalo stood there dumbfounded for a few seconds, his face and shirt dripping red wine onto the rest of him, and the floor. However as soon as he heard Bel snigger he lost it.

He whipped his plate at the prince, knocking food everywhere and once he turned his attention to Xanxus a second latter, the blonde thought better of retaliating.

"You piece of dog shit! I can't even understand you! I spend my entire life doing nothing but serving you, even when you were frozen and none of us knew if you where **ever **going to wake up. I've given you everything that I have and all you seem to do is take what you and throw the rest back in my face!" The shark screamed, as he threw his cutlery at Xanxus.

"Shut up!" Xanxus yelled back just as wildly, getting angrier by the second. He didn't like Squalo talking to him like this or what he was saying. Especially in front of other mafiosos.

"No! I don't-"Squalo was cut off by a large scarred hand slapping him across the face. Pain exploded in the right side of face and head, and all he could see were stars.

Xanxus was in a bit of shock. Of course it wasn't the first time he had hit Squalo, but he didn't think he had ever hit him so hard. He watched as Squalo slowly turned his head back towards him, and was truly in shock, as he watched one lone tear slide its way down Squalo's check before the shark could wipe it away.

Squalo turned away from Xanxus and quickly strode towards the door. "Fuck you Xanxus." Was quietly thrown behind him as he made his way out of the dining room and the mansion all together.


	2. Man Hunter

Chapter 1

Man Hunter

"Shit." Xanxus muttered as he rifled through a jumble of old paperwork, mostly mission reports. Not a man of patience, the task was quickly getting the best of him. "Should have just gotten Levi do to this," The scarred Italian bit out as he tossed more papers onto the floor beside him. "I could just get Squalo to do it..."

Xanxus jerked back in his seat at what he had just said, and a wave of emotions that he didn't quite know swirled in his gut like a swarm of wasps. The Mafioso chose the one that was as familiar as an old friend, if he had any, and angrily ripped the papers he was holding.

It had been three long years since he had seen the rain guardian, since he had fought beside him, or talked to him, or touched him. Yet he still thought of Squalo. Of course Xanxus had shared his bed and the battle field with countless others, but the women were all too weak and so were his opponents. They were all less than trash, not even worth a second glance.

"Let the garbage rot," Xanxus yelled as he threw his desk lamp into a nearby wall. He ranted and raved for a few more minutes, singeing any object that dared to cross his path until he heard a loud banging on his door.

"What?" He barked through gritted teeth, glaring at the door. _Just leave me alone,_ he thought to himself, _I don't want to see you, I only want…_

Soft brown spikes poked their way through the cracked door frame, followed by a timid Tsuna. "Um, Xanxus," The teen couldn't help but forgo speaking in place of surveying what was the Varia leader's office. _It looks like a tornado went through, _he thought as he stepped through the door, kicking a burnt book out of his way. _Or a pyromaniac._

"What?" Xanxus questioned once again, glaring at the boy who took the Vongola name from him.

"Oh! Uh, well," Tsuna squirmed under the older man's harsh gaze. "I just wanted to finalize some details about our upcoming mission."

"Whatever."

"So I guess this new family is pretty strong." The brunette started, watching as Xanxus righted his chair and sat down, deciding to follow suit as he continued. "Do you think this meeting is really about them wanting to become allies?"

"Probably not." Xanxus scoffed, "They're probably coming for a fucking fight. Test us or some shit."

"Do you think we should bring more men?"

"Why? I'm not weak like you; I don't need the people who are already coming." He laughed as he picked up an undamaged bottle of scotch and worked the lid off. "I don't need a full set of guardians to win a fight."

"I was talking about more men to back us up if a fight were to happen Xanxus. It's normal to have your guardians come with you. Besides Xanxus how long has it been since Gola Mosca was destroyed?"

"And I've done fine without him. Why replace something that's not being missed?"

"You replaced Mammon. What about, what about Squalo?" Tsuna asked, a little wary when talking about the shark. "It's been three years."

Tsuna instantly regretted digging up the previous second in command as he watched the bottle in Xanxus' hand crack and shatter.

"I don't give a shit about that piece of trash. I don't need him and I definitely don't need another snivelling dog shit coming in here waving a sword around and screaming like a drunken depraved whore!"

"But Xanxus-"

"Get. Out." The scarred Italian seethed.

"Fine Xanxus, but you can't just forget that you had a rain guardian. Or a friend." Tsuna stood from the burnt chair and strode to the door. Looking over his should, he got a weird feeling looking at Xanxus. "I really wish you would realize you can't just cut him out, it takes a lifetime to forget a friend like that."

Xanxus sat there quietly as Tsuna let the door click shut behind him, leaving the Varia leader alone again.

* * *

><p>Pale fingers ghosted over the fabric of a uniform, pausing to linger on a white lion mask. "How ironic…"The man murmured to himself, letting his had slip to his side after a fleet moment.<p>

Squalo looked around the grand room, being blinded by the pure whiteness of everything. Not even the hints of black or the bits of gold could do anything to save his sight. He was even beginning to resent his hair, _Probably for a different fucking reason!_ He thought bitterly to himself as he fell back onto his bed.

Although he had left the Varia three years ago, Squalo couldn't help thinking of them. He still couldn't believe that he hadn't talked to any of them. "Levi's probably glad that I'm gone," Squalo snorted, "But I thought maybe…" _Maybe Xanxus or even Lussuria would have tried._

"No. He made his choice."Squalo squeezed the sheets in his real hand, "I gave him time to, to do something and he chose not to."

_Besides, he probably has a new rain guardian. And I've moved on. I have a new family…_

**Flashback**

"Another."Squalo demanded as he finished his most recent shot of many. He was at one of the few taverns that were used to seeing many mafia families.

The bartender gave the silver haired man a strange look, accustomed to seeing him with a larger, darker man. He obliged Squalo anyways and filled his shot glace with another round of whiskey before turning his attention to other patrons.

_To being alone and not giving a shit. _Squalo downed the horrid smelling liquid, enjoying the burning sensation for once. It had been two weeks since he had stormed out on the family meeting, and still no word from anyone. Squalo found that it burned almost as much as his drink did.

_I must be going fucking crazy. _The shark thought, standing up and doing up his coat. "Just put it on Xanxus' tab."

The bartender nodded, smirking. "Does Xanxus know it's going on his tab?" He chuckled.

"It's a surprise." Squalo smirked heading out. Unfortunately he meet what felt like a brick wall before getting anywhere. "Voi! What the hell?" He blinked a few times looking up into the face of a tall blonde haired man.

"Hey asshole, watch where you're going! You just bumped into my bro!" A shorter boy with shockingly pinkish hair yelled in Squalo's face. "You need to apologize!"

"Voi! Get out of my face you little shit, your "bro" bumped into me." Squalo yelled back just as loud, moving to push past the group, finally noticing the three or four more men standing behind the duo.

Instead of leaving Squalo found himself in the midst of a fight. He was finding himself quite happy about this, with all his recent stress and disappointment he was itching to draw blood. It took the sword emperor a few seconds to incapacitate the lower level men, and was left with the two from before.

Squalo wanted to laugh as he watched the duo's weapons become engulphed in a bright red flame, letting his own sword become blue and alive with flames. _Storm flames? Let's see if I can calm them down a bit!_

The fighting didn't last long, and the tranquilizing effects of Squalo's flames nullified the disintegration process of their own flames. Squalo was panting, but ready to deal the few final blows to the larger man, the younger boy already lying on the floor.

"Tazaru!" Another blonde man barked drawing both Squalo and Tazaru's attention. "That's enough! Get Nosaru and your men and go back to base."

"Y-Yes sir!" Tazaru replied, already helping Nosaru up and barking at his men to get up and go.

"Now now Gamma, they were just having some fun."

Gamma snapped to attention, a barely concealed look of contempt. "Maybe you should make sure they get back?" The pale man directed, his smile overly sweet.

"Yes Byakuran." And with a turn Gamma was following his squad. He was also leaving the two men alone, the bar being vacated during the fight.

"I must apologize for my men, though I see they weren't much of problem?"

Squalo didn't respond, watching the other white haired man run his eyes up and down his body. With a snort he detached his sword and headed towards the door, hoping to side step the taller male.

"What's wrong? Cat got your tongue?" Byakuran laughed stepping in front of Squalo's path. "I could loosen it for you."

"Listen asshole, I'm not interested in anything that you're offering."

"Not even if I were offering you a spot in my family?" The Millefiore boss questioned, stepping even closer towards the skinny man. "I mean, it doesn't look like you belong to any family."

Squalo looked down at his outfit of a brown leather jacket and jeans, not seeing one sign of the Varia or Vongola. _And why would I? I'm not anymore, Xanxus has made that clear._ He was still pretty wary of the other man, especially once he noticed how close he was now standing to him. "I don't know, should I be interested? You're men weren't even worth a second of my time!"

Byakuran laughed softly, hips lips quirking in a smile as he loomed over Squalo letting power radiate off of him. "Oh I assure you, my men are much sturdier than that."

_Just like Xanxus. _Squalo shook his head, _Voi, fuck Xanxus! I don't have family anymore, or I guess… _Squalo took a step back allowing more space between them, and his confidence to return. "What kind of position are we talking?"

"Oh, a position with me of course." Byakuran leered at Squalo. "You'd fit nicely on my team…?"

"Squalo."

"Squalo~"

"Voi! If your family is as strong as you say… I'll join."

The taller man glided forward using an arm to usher Squalo out of the tavern and towards the car waiting outside. Squalo glared at the touch but opted to follow his new boss in silence.

**End Flashback**

It had been so long since that had happened, but the days felt so surreal to Squalo; they went by so slowly yet it seemed like it had happened a day ago.

When Squalo first came it was awkward and he had no idea where exactly his authority was. But like the true shark he was, and with an ever present Byakuran, he was quick to become third in command in the white spell unit, just under Shoichi.

Though with the amount of time he spent in Byakuran's office and that their rooms were across from each other, he often felt that he was second in command again. Not even Yuni had as much say as he did half the time. _As if she would say anything. There's seriously something wrong with her! _

Squalo twisted on his bed, his stomach's contents rising into his throat as he thought of just how close he and the boss had gotten.

**Flashback**

"The new recruits seem promising, don't they?" Byakuran drawled looking out the window, watching as underlings flitted about below.

Squalo gave a lazy grunt in return. He was sitting in his usual spot in Byakuran's office, on a large white couch with his feet propped up on an equally white coffee table. He knew that his new boss liked him to be close when he wasn't on an assignment. And the shark didn't care as long as he continued getting good missions and didn't have to handle any meals.

"Not as good as you though, right?" Byakuran chuckled, slinking over to Squalo, sitting down beside him.

"Voi! Of course not!"

Squalo ignored how their hips were touching and that the taller man had an arm slung over his shoulder, but perhaps he shouldn't have because the next thing he knew his jaw was caught in a vice grip and his lips were firmly held by another pair.

_What the fuck? _Squalo pushed at Byakuran, punching at him with no avail. It was starting to sink in just how much stronger Byakuran was than him.

The white spell leader finally pulled away for air, and smiled at the flushed panting form below him. "So beautiful."

"Get off of me!"

Byakuran ignored the struggling man and resumed kissing the already bruising, plump lips. When a fist connected with his cheek he pulled buck in slight surprise. He quickly recovered and before Squalo could get out from under him he ripped his shirt and pushed it down the lean body, trapping Squalo's arm awkwardly behind him.

"Stop it you piece of shit!" Squalo yelled as the other snaked his way down his pale body, kissing and sucking as he went. He squirmed and tried to ream his way out from underneath Byakuran, but couldn't help sucking in a shaky breath when one of his nipples was caught between teeth.

_I don't want this! _Squalo could feel a pressure behind his eyes as Byakuran continued exploring his body, biting his lips as a tongue was plunged into his navel. _It's been a year, Xanxus… _

Byakuran slowly slide Squalo's pants and boxers down his shaking body, drinking the naked frame infront of him. He climbed over the smaller man's body, kissing each of the closed eyelids, enjoying the whimpers he was admitting.

He forced his tongue back into the moist cavern, reaching a hand in between them and grabbed the flaccid member, stroking and pulling it gently.

Squalo couldn't help bucking up into the soft touch, feeling sick. _Please let me go._ Squalo wanted to cry as he felt his legs being pushed up to his chest, exposed to the other man. He struggled against the shirt that was binding his arms, his eyes flying open as he felt Byakuran line his hard cock up against his hole. "Byakuran stop!"

All Squalo could hear was a horrible scream, almost pitying the person who had made the sound. But all he could feel was the searing pain as the dry, tight ring of muscle was torn apart by the devil above him. Inch after inch was met with gritted teeth, and when he fully sheathed Squalo wanted to pray.

The relief was short lived as Byakuran gave a sigh of pleasure and began thrusting hard and rough. Each time earned a spasm from Squalo. The pain was becoming numb, his blood helping to slicken the way for Byakuran's large member.

The long haired assassin didn't know how long it went on for when he finally felt a warmth shoot into his abused entrance. Closing his eyes trying to block out the smiling face above him, the kiss that was placed on his lips, the voice cooing about his ruined sofa, and how he looked so beautiful. He wanted to pretend his arms didn't feel like they were about to fall off, or that his ass felt even worse.

He wanted to be home again.

**End Flashback**

_No, I wanted it. I did. _Squalo thought. _I, I love him. I do. _But Squalo couldn't really bring himself to believe that, and he couldn't stop thinking about how Xanxus would think of him now.

"I know exactly how he would see me," Squalo muttered, sitting up on the bed pushing his long hair out of the way. "Squalo's so weak he can't even protect himself. He's a whore. He liked it." He mimicked the dark Italian.

The clicking sound of his door opening caused Squalo to jerk around. _Speak of the devil… _He jumped off the bed, not wanting to be there when the pale man was around.

"Ah, my sweet Squa-Chan," Byakuran walked over to the window only a foot away from where Squalo was now standing. "It's raining out. But it has been pretty cold for spring, don't you think?"

"Not as cold as you."

"Maybe I just need help warming up?" He asked as he held Squalo's cheek tenderly, the other's pale grey eyes looking down. He leaned down and captured the soft lips in his own and buried his hands into the white cascade of hair. He slowly kissed down Squalo's jaw to his neck, sucking and biting until the skin bloomed a beautiful purple; all the while his other hand roamed.

"Um, excuse me, Byakuran."

Both white haired men turned to see the intruder, and watched as Gamma took a determined step into the room.

Byakuran lazily pulled away from Squalo, giving the blonde his attention. "Yes?"

"I wanted to inform you that the men are ready to leave for the rendezvous."

"Good, we can leave now then. Tell everyone to go out to the cars."

Gamma nodded, sparing Squalo a sympathetic glance before leaving.

"How about I help you get dressed? Can't go like that now can we?"

_I want to go home._

* * *

><p>Author's Notes<br>Hey guys I just wanted to say thank you for all the reviews, favorites and for adding my story to your alert lists! I also wanted to say sorry for so many flashbacks haha (although there were only two they were long and it still felt like a lot!) Um also, I've done a complete plot-walkthrough and therefore have everything already planned out in good detail. So updates will come out relatively quickly and the story will be finished.  
>Also sorry if parts sound weird this is my first story and I'm trying to figure out how to word things and crap and I can't really tell what it sounds like to others so when(if) you review that would be the thing to give me some constructive criticism on!<p>

Again thanks so much for reading!


	3. The Prodigal Son

Chapter 2  
>The Prodigal Son<p>

Rain lightly pelted the small caravan of black and white cars as they made their way down the deserted back roads. The dense forest on either side made it seem even darker out, the roads a thick mud and littered with debris.

One particular white car contained a very pissed off Squalo, who was sick of trying to occupy himself with watching the raindrops carve patterns down his window. He was tired of Byakuran, who was sitting beside him, and didn't feel like going in circles with him anymore. The same could be said for the other man, who was sick of Squalo's nagging.

_If he would just answer my questions and stop being an asshole then I wouldn't be acting this way! _Squalo thought bitterly, wanting to slap his boss across the face. They had been driving for about a half an hour, and fighting for two. Squalo had known that they were going to meet another family, but that was literally it. He didn't know who, or where or even why they were going. And Squalo was sick of it.

"Are you going to tell me yet?"

Byakuran gave him a mildly surprised look, "Finally speaking to me Squa-Chan?"

"I don't know, are you going to finally answer me?"

"Please Squalo, don't ask anymore. You're starting to make me a little irritated."

"I'm irritating you? I only want to know who the family is and what I'm supposed to do. Do you want me to just stand there like a shit head?"

"Squalo." Byakuran reached over and gripped Squalo's jaw tightly, forcing him to make eye contact. "I already said it doesn't matter. And I'm not saying this to be mean Squalo. I need trust from you, I need loyalty." His hand tightened into a vise grip when the shorter man tried to pull back. "I need you to do whatever I say whenever I say it without a second thought. I don't want you questioning me, and you seem to be doing that a lot. I'm the boss, Ok?"

Byakuran's grip tightened until Squalo couldn't stand it, and he found himself nodding in consent. With that Byakuran relaxed his hold in favour of gently rubbing the shark's abused jaw. "Good." He smiled, his tattoo wrinkling with the action. He leaned forward and kissed where each of his finger tips had been, kissing where each bruise was forming.

"I still care though, honestly Squa-Chan, I do." Byakuran pulled back a bit. "Now finish getting ready, we're almost there."

Squalo didn't know who he hated more, Byakuran or himself. _Why am I so God damn weak around him? I'm the sword emperor for fuck's sake!" _The long haired man seethed, pulling on his Millefiore jacket and flipping up the hood to give some shelter against the rain. He slid the mouth guard over the bottom of his face, adding a little protection and pulled on his boots he had kicked off during the ride.

* * *

><p>Soon they were pulling to a stop, which Squalo was grateful for. The last few minutes had been torture; the tension between the two white haired men was pliable. He didn't mind the rain and wind, or that their meeting spot was only some clearing in the woods. <em>Probably for privacy and neutral territory.<em>

Squalo followed behind Byakuran and Yuni and beside Shoichi. He looked around noticing that a fair amount of people had been brought, some that Squalo noticed were actually quite strong. He glared when he made eye contact with Tazaru and Nosaru, avoiding Gamma the best he could. Regardless, as he turned back around he caught the look of pity that the blonde shot his way. _Asshole._

The rain was still drizzling but beginning to let up, and through it they could see the other family coming over the hill. "Remember, nobody else is to speak and no one is to attack anyone unless instructed." Byakuran smiled as he said the words, but his tone serious and malicious. "We're here to make friends."

"Voi! Then why are we in the woods if we want them to merge with us?" Squalo yelled, finding the guarder muffling his words slightly.

"Honestly Squa-Chan, what did I say before?" Byakuran chuckled.

The shark bit his tongue, not wanting to deal with whatever the taller man would do. He was too tired, and he didn't know if his dignity could withstand a beating in front of everyone. Squalo figured his best course of action was to look down and ignore everyone's stares.

"Ah Tsunayoshi, Xanxus, I'm glad that we could meet. I hope that are negotiations are more fortunate than the weather."

"Ah, uh thank you Byakuran. I hope that we can become strong allies." Tsuna smiled back, shaking hands with the taller man. Xanxus followed suit, though his hand shake was much more brief and aggressive.

They continued their conversation, but to Squalo they might as well have been speaking in tongues for the amount of conversation he could understand. He couldn't believe what was happening. After three years, standing right before him was the man that he shared almost everything with for most of his life.

_Christ, is this even real? _Squalo couldn't take his eyes off of him, emotions ripping through him a mile a minute. _Does he know that I used to be Varia? What the fuck, I need to fucking get out of here. _Byakuran He was torn between staying where he was and running to Xanxus; wether it was to punch him in the face or kiss him he wasn't sure.

Squalo's fidgeting wasn't lost on the people around him and soon many were giving him weird looks, including Tsuna and Xanxus. Byakuran turned around to see what some of the Vongola were staring at, and came face to face with a Squalo who looked ready to wet himself. "Squa-Chan, calm down a bit." He laughed, turning back to continue discussing the treaty.

_I can't fucking calm down. I can't handle anything anymore. _Squalo bit his lip, hard enough to draw blood. _This is so fucked up. Why after all this time, why now. This isn't fair. _Squalo sweated and twitched, working himself up throughout the meeting, which continued for what felt like hours.

* * *

><p>"So what do you say? I think our families would be great allies."<p>

"I don't know Byakuran; I don't understand the whole chain of command? Would we all be partners?" Tsuna asked concern evident on his face.

"I don't wanna work with these weak commoners." Bel laughed, "I mean, that one looks like he's about to faint." He kept on sniggering as he jerked his head at Squalo.

"I assure you that all my men are strong, and kept in control." Byakuran gave appointed glare at the blonde prince. "As for chain of command, it would be as Yuni and I already function. We would be partners, making mutual agreements of course. Although I don't quite understand the Varia, is that commanded by the Vongola head?"

"Vongola don't command shit! The Varia is our own independent force. Why the fuck would I want to work with someone else?" Xanxus growled, his temper begging to flare at all the time they had spent standing around discussing what he deemed bullshit.

"I'm a little nervous too, to be honest." Tsuna added. "I agree that being allied families is useful, but it sounds like you talking about merging our families together!"

"Listen Tsuna, Xanxus, I understand that a merging sounds like a big step. But as it is we already control a large number of families, and that number is growing. It would be in your best interest to join, strength in numbers as they say." The white haired man narrowed his eyes, "Having so many Mafioso's makes it easy to get rid of any rival's who are beneath us, or simply refuse our humble offer."

"I don't think this is a good idea Tenth." Gokudera murmured in his ear. Yamamoto nodded, "There's something off about them."

"I'm sorry Byakuran. The Vongola will not merge with the Millefiore, it will remain independent as it always has." Tsuna did his best to sound strong but felt like crumpling under the other mans gaze. "If you wish to talk treaties let me know. Otherwise we're finished today."

"I don't need trash." Xanxus growled, returning the glare sent his way with equal fire.

Seconds slowly crawled by as the three men stood in silence glaring at each other.

Byakuran was the first to move, a cruel smile played along his lips as he let out a laugh devoid of any mirth. "I see. Well it appears I've just opened up a clam and found nothing but dirt. And I can't say that I'm not disappointed. But I also can't say that I'm sorry about what's going to happen." The Millefiore boss looked over his shoulder at his men. "White Spell, black spell, response five please."

With one final snap of Byakuran's fingers, his men lunged into action and drawing their weapons. All except Squalo, rooted to the spot in shock. He watched on until a bullet nearly went through his head.

He shot forward on instinct, a prized pony at the races, doing his best to move quickly throughout the mud that was being churned up; Slicing at any Vongola underling that he came across, his flames as wild and bloodthirsty as a shark. He was beginning to lose control of himself as he saw all the familiar faces rush around him. One man after another fell beneath his blade and he wasn't sure if they were on his side or not. _I need to leave! I need help. Why can't you see me? Can't you see I fucking need help? _Blood splattered his face and the mouth guard as he sliced and hacked through men, men he swore he trained. _These are my men. You were my family. You were my boss. Why can't I leave?_

Squalo ripped his sword from the limp body beneath him and wanted to be sick at the blood that was added. He couldn't understand what was happening anymore, and although he had never had a problem killing an enemy, he found himself disoriented and nauseas. _Get it together; nobody is going to let you leave._ Squalo swiped at the sweat beading down his forehead and sprinted forward.

_Bomb brat. _Squalo set his sights on the silver haired teen, and rushed towards him. Gokudera already had his hands full with the apparent Millefiore storm guardian, and could do nothing but curse and do his best to try and send a few bombs towards his latest attacker. Squalo dodged the dynamite easily and closed in; he raised his sword and swung down.

The sound of metal clashing rang out loudly as Squalo's blade met another. He jumped back sliding in the mud, drawing his sword once again. He didn't know why he hadn't expected this to happen; of course he would come to the bomb brat's defense. Squalo dragged his eyes from the sword pointed at him all the way up until he was looking into the familiar face, a previous opponent. _Please Yamamoto. Please don't fight me._

Squalo held his breath in anticipation, hope and fear as he watched Yamamoto drop his sword. _I'm sorry about going after Gokudera, I'll come with you._ His heart wrenched painfully as he saw the familiar Shigure Soen form three and knew that the black haired boy had no intentions of walking away. The shark had no choice as he brought his sword into an ark, a wall of flames and water his only shield as Yamamoto completed Yazaru No Ame and kicked his falling blade at Squalo.

The sword emperor dodged the attack, barely prepared for the Vongola appearing next to him. Yamamoto was already in the process of his Samidare form, twisting and swirling and ready to strike. Squalo's heart was in his throat as cursed mentally swinging his sword ready to meet the oncoming attack with his own. Both men stopped from the vibrations of Attacco Di Squalo, Takeshi eyes widened as he felt his body shake uncontrollably but not unfamiliarly.

_I can't stop. I'm breaking up._ Squalo rushed forward his sword leading in his Zanna Di Squalo ready to disarm the brat and leave. He was met with the very first form Shajiku no Ame, but also the feel of his sword sinking into flesh. He looked into the eyes of his former pupil, expecting to see pain. Instead he saw eyes the size of plates, emotions running rampant. _Why?_

Squalo noticed how his fake hand felt stiff at the angle, how his sword felt demented and bowed plunged into his former family member's side. He noticed Yamamoto so clearly, the anger and sadness, yet the relief in his eyes. He noticed how his own cheek stung as sweat and blood began to merge and dance down his jaw. Squalo also noticed the feeling of his hair swirling around his body, his hood and guard sliced along with the side of face.

"Squalo." Yamamoto murmured more to himself trying to take in what was happening. In a split second he felt relief and joy overtake him. As the shocked man in front of him pulled his sword out, Yamamoto matched him step for step as he tried to back away. Not knowing how to get him to stop moving away, Takeshi screamed at the retreating figure. "Squalo please!"

Both the Millefiore and Vongola that where close enough to hear over the fighting turned their attention to the duo, confused by the outburst. Astonishment and shock swept over the Vongola, but they had little time to react as the Millefiore resumed their attack, unaffected by the sight of their rain guardian. Yamamoto had no chose but to turn away as another enemy assaulted him.

Squalo turned away, ready to run, to get out of this place. A pair of smoldering eyes rooted him, trapped him and burning at his hopes of turning tale like the coward he had been reduced to. _You're not here to help me. _Fear rammed into his body as a solid force as he looked into pure anger. Squalo felt is feet slipping and his hands rushing down to catch him as quickly as they could, as he slid in the mud, the slick substance splashing up and coating him. He didn't care; he ran as fast as he could into the woods behind him; the image of Xanxus charging at him guns ready spurring him on.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Notes:<strong>

Hey guys I just wanted to thank everyone once again for all the reviews and favorites and alerts once again, and for all the positive feedback.

This chapter is a little bit shorter than the previous ones and that is because I can't write a fight scene to save my life and if I tried to draw it out anymore it would be even worse than it already was. Next chapter is good one sooooo. Not like this thing that slithered out haha.

Also sorry if Squalo sounds too au right now, it's because at this point in time he's so effed up from years of Byakuran he doesn't know what's what.


	4. Wretches and Kings

Chapter 3  
>Wretches and Kings<p>

_Fuck. _The word kept repeating over and over like a broken record in Squalo's head as he sprinted through the thick foliage. His breath cam in ragged pants, his lungs screaming for hair but he didn't give in, couldn't give in. Not his aching body or the branches lashing out and cutting his skin, nothing at all could persuade him to stop as the heat from Xanxus' flames where demanding him to go.

"Stop fucking running you stupid piece of shit!"

"Voi! Shut up asshole! Just leave me alone!" Squalo screamed not looking back, he couldn't see anyway, his eyes watering from the pain of his cut, kept open by every pine needle and thorn that he seemed to come across, and the hurt that was clawing its way through his body. "It shouldn't be hard for you!" _You've never found it hard to leave me alone. Why do you want to hurt me so much?_

"I'm ordering you to stop trash!"

_This isn't the way I wanted this. Don't take me this way. _He started to slow down as his body began to ignore him, the mud hindering him further. He could hear Xanxus' thundering footsteps, his voice cursing him through laboured breathing. Squalo felt himself slipping backwards and he found himself sliding down a steep hill, rocks scraping his back as his jacket rode up. _I give up. Just kill me, I can't live anymore. _

Squalo laid there motionless in the mud, his eyes closed to the world. His didn't move to wipe the mud from his body or clothes, or to pull down his jacket. He didn't give shit that his back felt like it was on fire or that his face was still a bloody mess. He didn't move a muscle as he listened for the older Italian's footsteps.

Silence covered him in a thick blanket making his ears ring. _Hello? Xanxus? Holy shit I'm so fucked up. _Squalo rolled over, his prosthetic hand creaking in protest at being bent awkwardly due to his sword. He felt like a savage, a deranged wild man covered in mud with sticks in his hair and running through the woods from a hungry beast. The shark's eyes searched for a sign of the other man, raking through the dense forest.

_Nothing. _Squalo stood on shaky legs searching a final time to catch a glimpse of his boss. _He's not following me, well, chasing me anymore…_ He turned his back and walked farther into the forest, not having the strength to crawl back up the hill.

Squalo knew he must have only taken a few steps before he heard the telling cracking sound of a twig snapping. He didn't have time to react; a split second later the rain guardian felt a strong hand grabbing the thick hair at the back of his head and neck. Pain raced down his back and pulsed in his skull as he was reefed backwards.

"I ordered you to stop running scum." Warm breath ghosted over the shell of his ear sending a shiver down his spine. Squalo felt a large, strong hand slowly running down his side to rest firmly on his hip and it felt good, warm and comforting. Yet fleeting, like the rain dousing a fire the voices rose up and curdled. _You left me, you'll leave me._

"Well I order you to fuck off!" The white haired assassin twisted around, ignoring the sharp pain exploding in his head as strands were ripped out. He swung his fist at the larger man, catching him off guard and in the left cheek. He went in again but Xanxus grabbed the small pale hand in his own, tightening his grip as Squalo tried to free himself. He smirked at Squalo, watching as he jerked his arm wildly like an animal in a trap, and couldn't contain his laughter as he felt a fake beat against his chest.

"You're ordering me?" He scoffed, looking into the frustrated face of his second command. "You'll always be mine to command." His eyes lost a bit of their malice as he traced over the contours of Squalo's face, so familiar, snatching the hand that was futilely punching his broad chest. With practiced ease Xanxus popped off the long sword letting it fall into the mud, forgotten.

Squalo knew he wasn't as strong, having both his hands trapped in large tanned fists solidified the fact. _I want you so bad, I want to go home with you. But I can't go through leaving again. _He didn't know who he was, and he didn't know what he was doing. All that Squalo could do was look on in a strange satisfaction as he brought he head closer and closer to Xanxus' until his forehead met a hard chin.

He felt searing pain run through his skull straight into his brain, watching the blood dribble down Xanxus' chin and lips, a monster grow above him. He didn't realise that he had been pushed to the ground until his back hit the dirt. "You stupid piece of shit."

The Varia leader was quick to drop down onto the lithe man, grabbing his shoulders and pushing him deeper into the mud and grime. Anger and betrayal surged through his veins, adrenaline clouding his mind and moving his body. Xanxus looked into the fear filled eyes of Squalo, watching as the man's face contorted as he brought the back of his gun down and hammering the right side of his face.

"Xanxus!"

The howling spurred him, his skin feverish as he swept his gun against the opposite side earning him another screech. Xanxus could feel Squalo's hand clawing at him but he easily ignored them as he grasped the thin neck and squeezing tightly; dark eyes languidly took in the black and blue bruises as they began to be taken over by a dark purple hue. "You're so beautiful." He murmured his grasp loosening.

Squalo wheezed, choking as his lungs tried to desperately fill themselves. They sat there motionless, Xanxus staring at Squalo and trying to connect somehow, the younger doing his best to look anywhere that didn't include his former boss. His body felt heavy with Xanxus sitting on top of him and it made him angry. "Get off me." Squalo said with more strength then he felt.

"What?" Xanxus growled, seemingly broken out of his trance like state as Squalo began to move out from under him.

"I know that you don't know how to apologize to someone but I thought you would at least ask me to come home, or imply it or, or something. You would do something to bring me home." Squalo was glad that he could barely see through his swollen eyes, he didn't have to look into the face of someone he loved as his hopes died. "But you just came to hurt me Xanxus. All you do is break things, and I should have known better than to –"

Thick lips interrupted his tirade, pushing and bruising. It was hard and sloppy, and Squalo could taste blood and sweat and heat. He felt a tongue probing at his lips but didn't give in. Xanxus tried to pry the soft lips open but pulled away when he got no response.

"You can't just kiss me and expect everything to be normal."

"When has it ever been normal trash, just let it be okay for us." Xanxus said as he latched onto the pink lips once again, and Squalo met him. They struggled for dominance and Squalo quickly relented as a skilled tongue pushed into his mouth, exploring.

He felt heat rise in the pit of his stomach as Xanxus kissed and sucked on his jaw, Squalo brought his hands up, letting his lithe fingers tangle in the thick, black locks.

Xanxus' tongue traced it's way back to Squalo's soft lips and plunged into the hot cavern as he pushed his hands underneath his jacket, letting his calloused hands run over the familiar expanse of his waif's trembling body. His fingers ran over a nipple, hard and pebbled and he pinched it roughly rolling it between his finger tips, growing harder at the moaning he received.

Xanxus pulled away, leaving a flushed Squalo panting and dazed. He needed to see the tight quivering body in its glory, and the offending Millefiore jacket was pissing him off. He ripped at the coat, taking pleasure in the sound of ripping fabric and the sight of flesh. He leaned down and attached onto a milky collarbone, sucking and licking until the skin blossomed an angry red.

Squalo moaned and squirmed as he felt Xanxus bit down onto his nipple, bucking when teeth gave a harsh bite. He could feel his belt being undone and his pants worked off and he feverishly began ripping Xanxus' jacket and shirt off, letting his buttons pop off and fly into the mud.

"My shirt you asshole." The tanned Italian murmured as he pulled Squalo's pants off in one quick tug. The sight drove him wild as his eyes ran over every part of Squalo, focusing in on his stiff, rock hard member. Xanxus leaned down until his was millimeters above the smaller man's dick, tickling it with his warm breath as he spoke. "No underwear? You're such a slut." He scoffed as he licked and kissed at the inside of each thigh.

Squalo let his head fall back, foggy and heavy with pleasure. "Xanxus fucking stop teasing me." He pleaded, crying out when he felt the tip of his tongue swipe his member quickly. He felt two large strong hands holding hips down as Xanxus slowly licked his length before pulling away, earning a frustrated cry.

Xanxus undid his zipper and slipped his pants off, letting his aching cock escape it's tight confines. He crawled back over Squalo until he was positioned over his has face. "Suck."

A pink tinge spread over the shark's checks as he stared and the large member before him, and opened his mouth to protest. Xanxus took the opportunity to shove his penis into Squalo's mouth grabbing his hair to pull himself farther in.

Squalo choked as his breathing was cut off before he pulled air into his nostrils and pushed Xanxus' hips up slightly. He bobbed his head the best he could meeting the savage thrusts as the thick cock plunged down his throat. Xanxus pulled back slightly and groaned when he felt Squalo tongue slip and swirl around his pulsing head, dipping into the tip.

He yanked Squalo's head back kissing him feverishly biting his tongue and grabbing the guardian's dick roughly and giving it a few strokes before grabbing onto his legs instead. He pushed the until Squalo's knees where against his chest and he was sitting at his entrance.

"Beg for it scum!" Xanxus bit out, circling a finger at the puckered entrance before him.

"Voi! No, no way!" Squalo panted as he pushed against the finger, crying out in frustration as Xanxus pulled away. His whole body trembling in anticipation, he looked into the scarred Italian's fiery and almost calm eyes.

"Fuck X-Xanxus please!"

Xanxus smirked as he pushed in a dry finger and twisting, watching Squalo buck and moan. He was quick to push in a second and third, a minute later pulling them out to replace them with something much larger. He looked into Squalo's pale grey eyes sharing something he didn't understand but it made him feel good and he couldn't wait anymore; with a thrust he buried his cock into his lover's ass until he was as deep as possible.

The two Mafioso's where motionless as they absorbed the feeling of being together after so long, and Squalo waited for the painful feeling of being stretched so far to subside. Xanxus' was drowning in the tight heat, his body aching for him to begin moving. He grabbed onto Squalo's knees holding him still as he pulled out before rolling his hips forward pushing back into him. Xanxus began thrusting hard and fast drinking in the moans and cries that he tore from his throat.

Squalo weaved his fingers into Xanxus' hair and pulled him down to meet his lips. Their lips meet in a bruising kiss as Xanxus pounded into the thin body beneath him, slipping his tongue into Squalo's mouth.

The white haired man felt a familiar heat pool in his stomach, causing him to moan and clench down on Xanxus, "Plea-please, I-I-I!" He couldn't speak as he felt Xanxus ram into his prostate over and over. "Xanxus!" Squalo couldn't hold on anymore as heat pulsed throughout his body, lights burst behind his eyes as he rode out his orgasm.

Xanxus thrust as hard as he could, feeling himself close to the edge as Squalo's ass clenched around him. With a few more thrusts he felt himself empty into the smaller man, his whole body on fire.

He pulled out of Squalo slowly after catching his breath, he sat back on his haunches while Squalo propped himself up on his elbows. They stayed that way for a while before getting up and searching for any clothes that were wearable. Squalo frowned as he realised only his pants were still intact, although they were soggy and laden with mud. "Thanks a lot stupid boss." Squalo yelled as he pulled them on anyways, turning to pick up his shredded jacket.

Xanxus sniggered as he pulled on his own clothes which were fine albeit a bit dirty and missing buttons. He ignored Squalo as the other rambled on about his clothes instead walking closer. Squalo stood up and turned towards Xanxus quirking his eyebrow as the taller man grabbed his shoulders tightly, "I don't want you ruining my pants if you want round two."

"What are you-" Squalo found himself being turned back around, being held in Xanxus' death grip. "Voi what are you doing?" He turned his head trying to look at him, finding his hair in the way. Squalo didn't know how much longer he could stand there as Xanxus' hold became tighter and he felt the heat start to radiate off them. "Xanxus-"

"Who the hell have you been fucking trash?" Xanxus questioned through gritted teeth pulling Squalo towards him, his back bending awkwardly.

"What?" Squalo's eyes widened as his mind ran through all the times he and Byakuran had had sex, zeroing in on just before they left.

"Don't fucking try to lie to me, you whore!" Xanxus seethed as he pushed Squalo forward again, his eyes racking over scratches and bite marks that he knew he never made. Emotions ran through him like poison as he pushed Squalo down into the mud. "Who the hell did this? How many times, how many men?"

"Xanxus what the fuck!" Squalo yelled as he turned over so he was looking up and Xanxus. "It was one person and I didn't even want to!" He slinked back a bit as Xanxus crouched on top of him, grabbing a hold of his hips. "It's been three years; you can't tell me you've been alone!" He gritted out, trying not to show how rattled he was.

"You're mine you piece of shit! No matter what it doesn't matter what I do scum!" Xanxus grip tightened as Squalo glared at him slightly. He could barely see straight, Xanxus didn't care how long it had been he felt betrayed and oddly embarrassed. "Who. Was. It."

"Why should I tell you?" Squalo winced as an unpleasant heat touched his hips, already sore under the intense grip. The rage and animosity that were rolling off of Xanxus scared Squalo. "It was Byakuran."

Squalo sensed it before he felt it, and it was surreal with Xanxus not moving a muscle. The heat crawled along his skin calmly and Squalo did he best to get free, kicking at a shoulder. But with one hand on his left hip bearing down he felt the flames burst and singe, penetrating his jeans, his skin. At first he could do nothing but choke on the bile that rose in his throat, and seize in shock. But as a scream sprang forth so did his body. The pain was searing and he found himself downed, stuck on the ground his leg locked tight.

"Squalo." Xanxus was in shock and the almost perfect hand print, his hand print that was ugly and raw. The smell and the pained whimpers made him sick knowing it was Squalo. He took a step back as he heard voices in the distance, not caring who they were looking for and not able to handle what had happened. With one final glance at his rain guardian he turned and left.

I don't know how to write people having sex? Whoops oh well I will write a whole chapter about it then.

Thanks to everyone who review and favorite and add to story alert.

Squalo's hip is burnt like a brisket and I wrote this at 4:37 am that it the time right now and I am tired. I also proof read this right now so I'm sorry for mistakes since I can't spell normally anyway.

Once again THANKS!


	5. Stop and Look at Me

Chapter 4  
>Stop and Look at Me<p>

The sound of a toilet flushing echoed off tile and porcelain, making the sounds louder and grate heavily on Squalo Superbi's nerves. His knuckles were turning white from gripping the edges tightly as his thin body heaved once again bringing up whatever little was left.

Squalo brushed away the white strands of hair that had been plastered to his face with sweat as he leaned back onto his heels. The rain guardian screwed his eyes shut as he tried to ride out the waves of nausea that plagued him. He quickly resumed his position over the toilet as his body jerked, his eyes watering at the burning in his throat.

"Why?" Squalo spat out, venom dripping as he flushed his current ruler; he had no more energy and let himself drape and curl around the fixture. "What did I do to deserve this shit?"

It had been this way for the past week, day in and day out Squalo would wake up at six or seven in the morning, sometimes five if he was extra lucky, and would make a beeline for the bathroom. It was a far cry from his usual schedule and the sword emperor was tiring quickly.

Squalo let out a frustrated cry as his stomach rolled and his hair fell into his way again. It was currently everywhere, irritating and making his neck hot and sweaty. He slowly lumbered to his feet, swaying as he searched the cabinets for a hair band to secure the unruly locks and accomplished knocking over several lotions and toiletries before finding them stuffed behind some expensive aftershave that he hated.

The assassin pushed the lid down before sitting on the toilet; he quickly pulled his hair into a low, messy bun. _Was it from being in the rain? _Squalo snorted thinking back on the whole fiasco that had happened three weeks ago. _Maybe it was from fucking around in the mud like some bitch. I such an idiot, I knew it was going to be that way. _He sighed as he pushed a few lose stands behind his ears. Squalo looked down at the large white bandage that was covering his left hip, his eyes tracing over the faint pinks that had seeped through and were discolouring the fabric. _When did I change my bandage? Maybe my burns infected?_

Squalo's thin fingers picked at the edges before pulling the bandage back, hissing as it pulled on his skin. _Fuck. _He was met with angry, red skin and scabs; he winced noting how it looked raw. _I guess it's healing though. It looks good for what it is._ The assassin pulled the dressing off entirely, knowing it needed air.

_I don't know if I can believe he did this or not. _Squalo's fingers gently glided over the outline, so familiar yet so foreign to him. _I still want to go back, I'm just as sick as him. As everyone. But I'm stuck here, I'm always gonna fucking be stuck here! _Frustration dominated him, riding on the back of his anger and sadness making him feel like a child. The shark gabbed the aftershave bottle behind him and whipped it at the wall, the shattered glass decorating the floor. _He's not ever going to come for me, no one will._

Squalo rose warily to his feet avoiding the glass, and side stepped to the mirror. He turned the sink's faucet roughly letting the cold water run over his clammy hands and splashing some onto his face. Superbi couldn't help studying himself, his pale grey eyes roving over his features. _How the hell do I look the exact same when I feel like a different person? _

His self loathing was interrupted after a minute when the pungent smells of puke and Byakuran's aftershave began to fill the room and his nostrils. Squalo quickly flushed the toilet and stepped over the shards escaping to the safety of his room; he clicked the door shut and left the mess for one of the maids.

"What now?" He asked the empty room, looking around at nothing in particular. Squalo felt like a robot being controlled, his body on autopilot and it felt good not to think. He liked that his body brought him to his dresser, that it pulled out a sweater and put it on without him having to decide or to choose which one. "Voi! Who gives a shit?" He slowly stumbled over to love seat, lying down. "If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like then I don't."

* * *

><p>"Squalo."<p>

_Who?_ His body felt heavy as if it had been filled with lead and his eyelids fought to open. _Xanxus? _Squalo jolted to consciousness focusing on the voice calling to him.

"Good morning Squa-Chan." A smiling Byakuran laughed at the face Squalo pulled. "What's wrong? Aren't you happy to see me?"

"No." The long haired boy looked at the clock hanging on the wall. _I've only been asleep for twenty minutes? _He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the smirking devil standing over him. "What did you want?"

"Oh Squalo stop being so uncivilised, you would fit right in with the black spell." Byakuran sighed as he lifted his subordinate's legs so he could sit on the white sofa. He let the long legs drop on top of his lap, enjoying the pale skin peaking out between where Squalo's boxer's ended and his sweater began.

The white spell leader's lilac eyes narrowed as they locked onto the burn marring Squalo's sharp hip. "It's going to scar, such a shame. But I guess that's the price you pay when you go running off with some beast."

"What makes you any different?" Squalo scoffed, sending a glare to the man stroking his good hip. _What is really all that different?_ He thought as studied Byakuran, on the outside they were polar opposite; Byakuran was light where Xanxus was dark. It didn't matter what their appearance was, underneath they were controlling and rough, dominating. _No, that's not right. They are different. They're not the same at all._

"Honestly Squa-chan I'm nothing like that barbarian. For a start I have you and he doesn't." Byakuran laughed absently.

_You're cold hearted; everything is a game for you to control. You're a demon. _"No I guess you aren't the same at all." Squalo murmured looking at the ceiling. _Xanxus is nothing but emotions and warmth, he plays the game with me. _

"And I would never hurt you like that."

Squalo did his best to keep a straight face, biting back a sharp sarcastic laugh. He could think of so many times he had been hurt by his hands and words, it was so much worse than when he lived with Xanxus. The assassin was used to physical pain, his life had been blow after blow; but Byakuran was about the mental aspect of things.

"What did you come here for?"

"Oh, just to see why you're sulking in your room. I miss looking at you." Byakuran smiled as he pushed Squalo's legs over the edge of the couch, ignoring the protest from his companion. He draped himself over top of Squalo, and when he received no shouting or rejection he began to run his pale fingers along the smooth neck laid out before him.

_This is what I was avoiding, why did you have to come here? _Superbi didn't move as Byakuran tangled his hands into his long hair and ghosted his breath along his cheek, ignoring the tingling he felt. _It doesn't matter anymore._

Lips lightly pressed against his own and after a moment or two Squalo relented, and allowed the larger man to slip a skilled tongue into his mouth. It was strange to receive such a gentle slow kiss and he supposed if it had been from someone else he would have enjoyed it. But it was Byakuran and he was beginning to feel sick.

Reluctantly Byakuran pulled back as he felt hands pushing on his chest, a smile playing across his lips. He studied Squalo before sliding off the sofa to his feet and smoothing out his uniform. "When you're training is done I want you to come back to my office."

"Fine." _I don't have the energy to fight you anymore._

"Train hard my little shark; you're getting a little pudgy from sitting around." Byakuran chuckled over his shoulder.

When he heard his bedroom door shut he stood up, making his way to the dresser to throw on some pants. "I forgot all about training…" Squalo murmured to himself. He had been so preoccupied with being sick and his burn, he had neglected his sword.

"Yamamoto wouldn't miss a day. He wouldn't be lying around getting fatter either…. Fuck."

* * *

><p>Sweat drenched Squalo's forehead, running down the side of his face and on to his neck. His hair was matted and damp, desperately clinging to his scalp and exposed skin. He didn't understand why he was having such a difficult time, or why he could barely see the targets in front of him.<p>

A frustrated growl rumbled in his throat as he wiped the sweat from his brow, his face flushed. Squalo had to take a few seconds steadying himself as his vision swam and his body rocked. The feeling didn't pass; it was like a never ending torrent of rain was falling on him, blinding him, disorientating him.

The swordsman raised his sword meekly, letting his feet stumble forward a few jaunting steps. _I'm not weak. I'm still the same person._ Squalo felt his sword scrap along the hard floor, his arm not able to hold it up.

He saw the target rear up in front of him, growing larger and angrier yelling his name. It's crudely carved face twisting into his worst nightmare. _No. _It wasn't getting bigger, he was falling. Squalo's body crumpled to the floor like a doll, his head making a sick cracking sound as it connected with the cold stone.

Squalo could hear his name louder than before, his eyes blurrily searching for the source; he couldn't look, couldn't see the face anymore. Blonde hair and dark eyes suddenly loomed over him. _Gamma? _

"Squalo! Squalo!"

_Help._

* * *

><p>Squalo head was pounding, his early nausea lingering like a dark cloud. He found himself in a familiar yet unsettling place, he easily recognised the stark white, the familiar purple sign that was plastered here and there.<p>

_Of course they would bring me to his room. _The shark scrunched his face in disdain. _They even put me in his bed._

Squalo's heart skipped a beat when movement caught his eye, his instincts causing his body to jerk upright.

"Relax Squalo, it's just me." Byakuran cooed, attempting to calm and reassure his guardian. "Why didn't you let me know you weren't feeling well this mourning hmm?"

"I don't know." _Because I hate you._

"Well it's your own fault I suppose. You should have just skipped training."

"I thought you wanted me to, you said I was getting fat." _You dumb asshole._

"Come on Squalo lighten up a little. I didn't mean anything by it." The white haired man sighed. "In any case it is dinner time; maybe some food will help you feel better."

* * *

><p>Squalo didn't understand why Byakuran deemed it a good idea, or even an acceptable one, to bring him to eat in the dining hall. It was common for the members to be loud and rowdy, yelling about their latest wins and conquests while others howled with laughter. The room was practically blinding; white, bright and sterile like much of the rooms at the Millefiore base.<p>

It didn't matter that their table was farther back, away from the other tables. It was a poor attempt at segregating the higher ups from the nameless faces, and Squalo didn't understand how any of the other's could put up with it. _I bet it makes them feel better about themselves, watching these idiots run around. Stupid asshole snobs._

Squalo prayed for the men to settle down or at least shut up. Even when the food was brought out and their faces being stuffed the noise was grating and painful; metal forks scraped along plates, spoons clinking and cups being slammed down upon hard metal.

There was no relief for Superbi, even at his own table the clinking and scraping of the room paled to the nauseating sounds of found being ground up and chewed. _Fuck it's like they're doing it in my ear! Voi doesn't anyone have any God damn manners?_ He gripped his fork tightly as tried to ignore the food in front of him, the smells assaulting his nose curdling his gut.

"Voi! Do you have to chew so loud!" Squalo seethed, his eyes glaring daggers at Shoichi who had the misfortune to be placed next to the ill-tempered and ill feeling assassin.

"U-Uh s-sorry Squalo, I didn't, um…"

"Oh don't worry Irie, little baby sharkie over there is just pmsing cause he passed out in front of everyone and now he's embarrassed." Rasiel cackled through the food in his mouth, pointing his fork at the long haired man.

"Voi you better shut the fuck up you tiara wearing turd! If I wanted the psychotic dumb blonde act then I would call your brother!"

"What did you say to the king? You pathetic mongrel you're lucky the-"

"Now now, I'd prefer if we all got along." Byakuran interjected, giving a pointed look to the young blonde before turning his attention to Squalo. "I'm sure Shoichi wasn't doing it on purpose or to annoy you Squa-Chan, so relax and eat."

The table fell into a tense silence, which felt odd in the loud din of the room. When the next course was brought to their table Squalo knew it was time for him to leave. The smell of hot meat made the bile begin to climb its way up his throat before he even saw the veal.

He stood up quickly, his chair to scrap along the ground and causing the rest of the table to jump in surprise.

"Squalo where are you going? You haven't even eaten a single thing." Byakuran questioned his assassin as he grabbed his wrist, preventing his escape.

Twisting and turning he tried to pull his wrist free from the iron grip, knowing full well he wasn't strong enough, but knowing that he couldn't open his mouth to offer an explanation. The hand holding him tightened as Byakuran asked him again, not letting him go. _Too late._

Squalo couldn't stop it from coming up as he bent over and puked into Millefiore leader's lap. His eyes began to water; his nose stinging as he quickly staggered towards what he thought was the exit, his eyes still blurry. Vomit rushed up once more and he grabbed the nearest vase and carrying it with him as he left the hall heaving.

* * *

><p>Eight days had passed since his embarrassments in the training room and dining hall and he hadn't been able to leave his room without becoming the butt of some joke. Squalo was the proud, fearsome sword emperor, able to tear down anyone who stood in his way. <em>Apparently that doesn't mean shit to these trash…<em>

It seemed that no matter where he went in the base he had to endure people making vomiting sounds, or pretending to faint. What really got to Squalo was the fact that someone no name, zero rank goon had made one stupid comment that he 'looked like a lady and was probably pregnant.'

The worst part of the whole situation was that it got him wondering. His symptoms had persisted and he was slowly losing the little patience that he sort of had, and he was defiantly losing his mind.

That's how Squalo the proud, fearsome sword emperor found himself in his bathroom with the door locked tight and five pregnancy tests littered around the floor.

Five positive pregnancy tests.

_What. The. Fuck._

* * *

><p>Hey my sweet reader's sorry that this chapter took so long! Well, longer than the others anyways. I learned that if you hit the exit button and expect that the "Do you want to save changes?" window will always pop up, that you're wrong. I lost a lot of writing that way and it was kinda frustrating. You just can't write the same thing twice, ya know? Anyways I digress.<br>Can men use a home pregnancy stick? Can they go back in time? Can they have a magic shark in a box? Can they? CAN THEY?  
>You bet they can.<p>

Thanks, lot's of love and please review or give me feedback!

P.S. So many pagebreaks I didn't even notice haha


	6. What a Thing to Do

Chapter 5  
>What a Thing to Do<p>

_This can't be real. This can't fucking be real! _Squalo was numb; his mind was reeling trying to catch something that he could understand. _I'm a guy for fuck's sake! This is a sick joke; they're just playing a joke._ He wasn't sure who was playing the joke and he couldn't help but let a small choked cry escape his tight throat.

His knuckles turned pure white as they attempted to crush the flimsy plastic, the pressure snapping the stick in half. The loud crack made Squalo feel normal, better. He felt strong; it brought him to the battle field, to home. But the tiny blue 'positive' was still staring at him and he wasn't home. _You're not real, you're broken, you don't work, you're nothing. _Squalo chanted mentally as he dropped down onto his hands and knees, grabbing the tests one buy one bending until they relented. He broke them into as many pieces he could, relishing in their destruction. He wanted to go home again.

The shark felt it wasn't enough. It hadn't stopped his skin from feeling like it was burning; it didn't clear his mind or take away his pain. _Why me! Why is it always me? I don't deserve this, I'm not this fucked up! _Squalo grabbed the plant resting against the wall ripping at the leaves and crushing the soft petals in his fists before dumping the pot over the floor. Dirt flew across the white tile and porcelain, covering every inch of the floor.

Water flooded over the edge of the sink as he turned the taps to full and water blasted out of the faucet. Squalo wasn't sure how to flood a toilet unless it was clogged and that made him feel even stupider, he settled for taking the back lid and hammering the seat until it cracked and crumbled spilling like a waterfall.

He smashed the thick porcelain into the cabinet splintering the wood and glass before dropping it into the floor with a loud thunking sound. As Squalo reached for the towel rack ready to rip it from its hinges he felt his feet begin to slip along the slick floor.

The assassin felt his back hit the enclosed shower's door, cracking but not breaking, supporting him as he slowly sunk to the floor. _Mud. _Mud was all around him; the dirt and water churned by him until it was dark and menacing. The more water spilling and sloshing from the broken fixtures caused the mud to become thinner, but still mud all the same.

_Why can't I escape?_ It was everything that was wrong all over again and in his pushed into face. And Squalo allowed himself to drop his head into his hands and scream to the ones who had hurt him.

* * *

><p>Squalo wasn't sure how long he had sat in his bathroom covered in mud, fragments of plastic and glass and porcelain floating around. He had managed to drag himself up long enough to turn the taps off before getting into the shower.<p>

He let the hot water pour onto him as he took his damp clothes off. He watched as smooth droplets escaped through the crack, some running down the grooved path. He followed them as they joined the small sea on the floor and his pale grey eyes saw as it escaped under the door. He hoped no one noticed.

_This can't be real. I can't actually be pregnant. But then what's wrong with me that would make them all positive? _Squalo tried to think of all the things he knew about pregnancy or had heard from others, and he found himself pretty lost. Sure he knew the mechanics of it all, and he had seen women with bulging stomachs fawning over crap like baby shoes, but that was pretty much the extent. _I'll just take a piss sample down to the lab or something._

Squalo finished washing the conditioner out of his white mane, the suds carrying the dirt down the drain leaving only clean skin, raw from the hot water. He dried himself quickly with the towel hanging on the still intact rack before throwing it onto the soaked floor to make a step.

As Superbi left the bathroom he noticed the white carpet a few feet around from the door had become a murky grayish brown and damp. The dampness sent a chill up his naked body that was still wet with stray droplets descending from his hair. The shark quickly pulled on dark blue jeans over his hips, the button struggling closed. He chose to ignore the tightness and instead searched for a shirt, agreeing on a white tank top. _I'll just run over and run right back._

_Voi what the fuck am I going to put it in! _He wondered, realizing he had pretty much shattered any container that might have been in the bathroom cabinet. Squalo looked around the large dresser, knowing that he wouldn't find anything anyways. _I go to the med bay and grab one._

* * *

><p>The journey was short and familiar from when he had to get his wounds bandaged and cleaned if they were severe enough. He wouldn't say he was glad that he had been there so often in the past few weeks but he did breathe easier when none of the staff gave him a second look. Squalo easily made his way to the supply closet grabbing a small plastic cup from a stack and finding the lids a shelf under. <em>Better not chance pissing in here. <em>

Squalo covered the container the best that he could between his pants and hand, not wishing for anyone to see and question him. _I used to not give shit about what others thought, where did that person go? _He mused to himself as he walked down the hallway to the nearest bathroom.

He stood in the stall holding the now warm cup in his hands wondering exactly how he was supposed to walk around with a jar of piss and look normal. Squalo decided now was a good time to try and reclaim a bit of his old self and pushed open the stall door, ignoring the startled grunt of a soldier and leaving rather quickly.

The laboratory was only down the hall and around the corner, built close to the medical bay for convenience. It was sterile and pristine, and predictably white. Now that Squalo was there he wasn`t sure of what to do; there was no way for him to even know where the other urine samples would be. There wasn`t even a reason for him to be there in the first place and it seemed that the men and women rushing about knew that.

Squalo jumped out of his skin, nearly dropping his cup as a large hand fell on his shoulder. He turned to find a tall bear like man, thick and warm with dark brown hair and soft eyes. "Can I help you?" His voice was comforting and Squalo felt like a kid. Not like when he had been forced to grow up, but before that when he had been warm too; he felt like a kid who wanted friends and a father who cared. He wanted to tell this man to take him back to Xanxus and he felt like this guy would.

"I have to drop this off."

"Hmm? Drop what off Squalo?" He asked his voice still strong yet soft even as his eyebrow raised and his face became quizzical.

"Oh," Squalo realised he had been hiding it behind his leg somewhat; he passed it over to the man who took it with curiosity. "Wait, how do you know my name?" He was met with silence and followed the taller man as he walked towards the back of the lab where a book and refrigerators were in abundance. "Who are you?" He pressed.

"Why did you bring a urine sample?" He asked, ignoring Squalo's questions completely. "You aren't in the book for any tests. Is it because you've been feeling ill? Byakuran didn't tell us you'd be coming."

"What? Voi! No he didn't tell me to come here! How do you know my name?" Squalo asked more feverishly, nervous that this man knew what was wrong with by just looking. "Who are you?"

"Oh sorry, my names Marco." He smiled, giving Squalo's small hand a firm shake before looking back to the book. "And come now Squalo, how would I not know who you are? You're pretty much Byakuran's shadow. And I don't mean that in a mean way, I'm sure that if you had things your way you wouldn't spend a minute with him, no offense to him."

Squalo was beginning to wonder if he ever had a mean thing to say about anyone.

"So are you here to see why you're sick? If you are I have to say that a blood test would probably be a better choice then urine."

"N-No it's not mine." He stammered, breathing in a bit deeply to calm himself. He felt like an asshole for lying to this man, and he hated it. "It's um, it's from a woman that we brought in for uh, questioning. She claimed she was pregnant and Byakuran wanted to know if she was lying."

"And he sent you?" Squalo followed the eyebrow that seemed like it was trying to join his hair out of disbelief.

"Um I said I would since I had to pick up some cream from the med bay for my burn."

"Oh how's that healing?" He barely let Squalo murmur out a 'good' before turning to write in the book and grabbing a piece of tape from a strip attached to the table that Squalo never noticed. "What's her name?"

"What? I don't, I don't know. I didn't ask."

"No problem, I'll just phone and ask it'll take two seconds. You can leave if you want."

"No!" Squalo shouted slamming his fake hand on top of the phone before Marco could call. "I remember her saying it, it was, uh, Haru." He felt stupider than he had all day. _Why did I even think of her? _He felt naked, like Marco could see that it was a lie, that everything he said was a lie.

After a long pause that Squalo thought would go on forever, the bigger man finally moved, writing down Haru on the label. "Well just let Byakuran know that we'll put it first priority and it should be done by two a.m. but if that's too late at night we can bring the results to him in the morning. The labs open all night so whatever he wants."

"I'll let him know, thanks."

"Oh and Squalo? Make sure you take care of yourself okay?"

* * *

><p>It was never fully dark in the Millefiore base. The staff was always busy cleaning or preparing the food to be cooked for tomorrow or a plethora of other menial tasks while the mechanics and scientists and medics plugged away at whatever projects or people demanded their attention.<p>

Squalo had slid out of Byakuran's bed, sneaking out as quietly as he could, squeezing out of the door trying not to awake the sleeping man. He looked at a clock on the wall that was a bit further away, even though he didn't need to, he already knew the time. The flashing red numbers of the digital clock read three a.m.

He had waited an extra hour even though patience was not a thing he knew. He didn't know what he would say if Marco was still there because really what could he say to explain why he was there in his navy sweat pants at three in the morning instead of some lackey. _I really wanna know if she's pregnant._ He snorted as he got into the elevator, pressing down.

* * *

><p>It was a lot quieter than when Squalo had come a few hours before, and he was glad that the big bear like man wasn't around. Squalo wondered if had done this on purpose, that he knew there wasn't any Haru, well at least not here, and that it was him.<p>

He found the results files rather easily since he had a general sense of the testing area and began rifling through the papers. It took him longer to find since he had been too panicked to give a last name, and had to look through the section that had un-named and single named people.

Squalo pulled it from the rest when he did find it. The first page had made little sense to him and he realised that it was not meant to. It was not made to be the results for a girl name Haru, and it had not been made to be seen by anyone's eyes but his own.

_I should listen to my fucking gut more often, that shit head knew the entire time. _The assassin ignored the fact that his lying wasn't convincing and skimmed over the personal section that had his basic information. His eyes grew wide and his head spun as he read the word he did not think that he would.

Squalo pushed the filing folders back, holding onto his tightly. He didn't know how this was possible but he knew that he had to leave. He would protect this thing that was his no matter what, and that meant he had to get away from Byakuran.

He ran down the hall, hating the elevator ride and how it trapped him when he had to move. Squalo only slowed when he was close to his and Byakuran's rooms, heading into his. Once inside he dashed to his closet and gabbed his old suit case, the one that he had used when he left the Varia mansion and stuffed as much as he could into it.

As he left Squalo pulled on his brown leather jacket and grey toms, letting his door click shut and rushing to the elevator. _Fuck. _He was feeling sick from the lurching motion and he had to admit he was sick from think about what would happen if he stayed. He couldn't trust Byakuran for anything except being a cruel monster. _How quick would I turn from being his favorite sex toy to his favorite freak show experiment?_

Squalo stepped out and immediately felt fucked over as Gamma, Tazaru and Nosaru stood in front of him. Fear that they would bring him back ran through him and laced up his spin.

"Squalo? What are you doing down here this late?" Gamma asked, concern and curiosity mixed.

"I'm… going on a mission."

"At like, three thirty in the morning? What fucking mission has someone leave at a time like that?" Tazaru bellowed.

"Guys just give me a moment okay?" Gamma asked, although he didn't leave room for debate as he steered Squalo away. When they were out of earshot Gamma spoke. "Squalo what's going on?"

"Nothing but me going on a mission as I said before, now can you please move?"

But Gamma stayed where he was, blocking the rain guardian's exit. "Please, I know there is something wrong with you, and I know that there hasn't been a mission scheduled for you since you've been getting sick. Especially not one that would require you to have to stay long enough to need that." He motioned towards the bulging suitcase.

"Voi just, fuck, Gamma just let me go."

"Tell me Squalo, maybe I can help you."

"You can't help! No one can!" Squalo said louder than he wanted to, bringing his voice down the best he could. His emotions were running wild and he just wanted to leave, to go home. "Don't tell Byakuran please, I just, I have to leave."

"It's okay Squalo; if Yuni wasn't here then I would have left a long time ago." Gamma smiled sadly, resting his hand on the shorter man's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Just be careful." He murmured before returning to his complaining subordinates.

Squalo made his way out to the car park without seeing another person, no one that would question him at least. He was met with a few strange looks but it didn't matter to him anymore, not with the promise of escape sitting in front of him.

It was easy for him to grab the keys for a car, he had high level clearance and it was only a car. "I'm just going to be taking number four six nine three." He said as he passed the security booth.

"Oh! Mr. Superbi but you aren't on the schedule…" The guard faltered under Squalo's intense gaze. "Did you need a driver?"

"No."

Squalo opened the small black car throwing his suitcase and swords into the backseat and climbing into the front. The smell of burnt rubber permeated the air accompanied by the sound of wheels squealing as the lithe man peeled out of the underground car lot, barely making it under the door as it rose.

The crisp night air blew through the window that Squalo had rolled down a bit, bringing in a sense of clarity. Squalo turned on the radio, turning it up until it was deafening and it blocked out the sound of Byakuran's voice.

* * *

><p>Squalo had left the car in the parking lot of some greasy fast food chain that stood across from a train station. He took the train as fair as he needed, and when he got off he took a taxi. Five minutes away from the Varia headquarters he got out with his suitcase and swords and told the taxi to fuck off, which it did.<p>

The five minutes felt like five hours, and Squalo wasn't sure he was even awake. It felt like he was moving but wasn't getting any closer until the looming iron gate stood before him. _Like the gates of hell. _He thought as he typed in the security code.

He watched as they slowly swung open, waiting till they calm to a loud stop until he began his painful trek up the driveway. When he got to the door he was ready to fall, and with each knock with the brass lion's head brought bile attempting to rush up.

* * *

><p>Okay so I pumped this chapter out pretty fast if I do say so but I also do say that it's weird, so. Anyways, again please review because I love them and I read them over and over and live of them haha. I don't reply to them only because I am so awkward! I also like a good critiquing and let me know if I make a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes cause that's what I am famous for no matter how many time I read it over. Also let me know if you are confused or think I'm dumb.<p>

Thanks love you all!


	7. A Friend Like Me

Chapter 6  
>A Friend Like Me<p>

It was nice day out; the sun shone bright and warm, sharing the sky with puffy white clouds that floated lazily. It was peaceful and beautiful and most people would be outside enjoying the day, happy and content.

Squalo didn't notice the clouds or the song birds, couldn't feel the warmth trying to permeate through his leather jacket. He felt dread creep inside of him, squeezing his stomach and lungs. He was nervous as hell and didn't know why he had come here. _There isn't anything left for me here. _His head cloudy he backed up a step.

Fear sizzled and ignited the shark's nerves when the sound of footsteps reached his ears. He felt the need to leave, to run, to scream or anything to expel these feelings from his body that were so frequent but so unwanted. The blindness and unknowing where eating him alive.

One of the large heavy doors swung open slowly, softly groaning a slight protest. Squalo let out the breath he didn`t know he was holding, choking slightly, his throat dry and tight. His luck as of late told him to expect no one but Xanxus, but when the semi-familiar face of a young maid came into view he was able to calm down slightly. _Of course Xanxus wouldn`t be waiting around to open the door. He wouldn`t even if he was standing right in front of it the lazy asshole._

Squalo wasn`t able to dwell on the scarred Italian for too long as the maid's relaxed face began to flicker with surprise, recognition dancing in her dark eyes. "M-Master Squalo?!" She blurted out, a dainty hand slapped over her mouth when she noticed she had all but screamed in his face.

Composing herself, she took on a more refined nature as was expected of her, though she didn't bother to hide her emotions. "Would you like me to get Master Xanxus? Or would you like me to take you to him?"

"No! I mean, no." Squalo steeled himself, biting back at his nerves. "I do not want Xanxus informed of my presence. Understood?" With a quick node from the young girl he pressed on, his old confidence beginning to course through him. "I need to speak with Lussuria. I can find him myself."

"Um, well actually Master Squalo, he's in the dining hall. It's dinner time, after all…" Her voice died in her throat, withering beneath the steel eyed shark. She felt the strange need to appease him, to have his approval or maybe just deflect his irritation and attention. "They should be done soon though! Did you want to wait inside?"

"Master?" The girl asked the silver haired man when she noticed he hadn't been listening to her. When he didn't turn his focus back onto her she followed his gaze over her own shoulder.

There Varia filed out of the dining hall into the front entrance to ascend the large staircase, stopping to stare at the anomaly that was Squalo Superbi. Looking dazed and trance like, confusion and shock covered the majority of faces, except one.

One face was awake and burning with emotion, scars and red eyes making it look villainous and evil. The sun and the birds could not hold their claim and the peace snapped like twine, the room turning angry and chaotic.

A loud bestial roar burst out of the Italian, causing everyone in the room to jump; their attention now on their seething boss. It happened so fast, yet to them in seemed slow and distended as Xanxus lunged forward like a horse out of the gate.

Lussuria reached out subconsciously, trying to grab a hold of the Mafioso, to keep the inevitable from happening; the sun guardian was left with a black jacket clenched in his hand and a sick unnerving feeling.

Squalo thought he had expected this, but with Xanxus closing in on him, fists hot and fiery and filled with rage he realised he hadn`t. He had built up the courage to come on some deluded dream, a hope that he would stroll back in and all would be fine and normal. But it wasn`t and it was crushing him.

"Xanxus stop! Voi wait a second!" Squalo shouted, voice prickly and distressed. He brought his arms up, covering his face ready to defend himself when it dawned on him. _Fuck! I have to move! Voi why can't he stop?_

"Xanxus just listen!" The assassin was now at a screaming decibel as he bolted out of the liger's path. His feet slid against the cold floor, barely able to stay balanced and underneath himself. His own anger flared, he wasn't sure if it was his preservation or maternal instincts that he guessed he now possessed but he knew his own wrath was intense.

Squalo knuckles were whiter than paper as he balled his fist and slammed his ring into the ornate box resting in his pocket. In an instant an enormous great white shark separated Xanxus from his initial target, large sharp teeth, each bigger than his hand snapped and bared in warning. The giant viciously lunged towards Xanxus, forcing him back a few feet lest he be torn into.

"Voi! I. Said. Listen!" Squalo yelled, his voice echoing off the walls and high ceiling. He felt a portion of his lost confidence come back to him, turning his fear into resolve. He looked into the searing eyes of his former lover, squaring off and sizing each other up.

* * *

><p>Okay so this chapter is so short that it's embarrassing but I wanted to post it regardless. I've wanted to make some kind of informational update or reason as to why I haven't updated for so long but I didn't want to do it without having some kind of chapter to add to it. No I am not dead and yes I plan to start updating once again and most likely back to my old pace. :P<p>

The first reason I had stoped updating was that I had plans to go on hiatus during the summer (which I should have mentioned) because of the amount of camping, portaging and crap that I do I knew I wouldn't be near a computer any time soon. The main reason that has kept me from updating is that near the end of the summer I was riding my stupid horse Riot, who is apparently the king of retards. As we were riding through the woods a bird flew in front of him and his reaction was to buck and run into the woods instead just being normal and running down the path which I wouldn't have really cared (this would not be his first time taking off -_-). He ignored my attempts at stomping him even when I had his head pretty much touching my knee, so I just gave him his head and hunkerd down. I would have been ok he didn't slide into a ditch and fall on top of my leg. Riot being a fat slob was fine but he had pushed my foot through my stirrup and dragged my delirious corpse around for a bit (obviously I was scaring him and being an inconvinience, **yah right** :| )

So anyways long story short he broke my leg in 2 places and pulled my enitre leg out of my hip socket, and broke some ribs. I did not want to update since I was either drugged or in pain but no longer! So updates should be more frequent, thank you, bye. P:


	8. I'm Not Calling you a Liar

Chapter 7  
>I'm Not Calling You a Liar<p>

Fire and ice collided as Xanxus' and Squalos' eye bore into each other, one searching for weakness while the other sought acceptance. Finding none, Squalo raked the others in the room noting everything from worry to disbelief before finally resting on the scarred Italian.

"I didn't come here for a fight."

Xanxus let out what could barely pass as a snort, something more akin to a stunted growl. "Why else did you come back then, _Puttana_?"

"Xanxus, it's been so long, don't you think I wouldn't have come back unless I had to?" Squalo ground out through clenched teeth, ignoring the dark Italian's insults.

"Feh, I bet that piece of garbage wised up to what a useless whore you are and got rid of you."

"Voi! I left by myself! I didn't want to be there in the first place."

Xanxus levelled him with a blank stare, his face void of all emotion for a split second before it was again marred by anger. He let his gun swing by his side slightly, gently tapping against his leg. Everyone around them unsure if they should say or do anything, the servants who were not smart enough to leave right away began to quietly filter out, self preservation telling them not to stay amongst these men.

"You left."

It was a statement, Squalo realised, not even an accusation. "You chose that life for me!" Irritation seeped into his voice, bubbling up and festering. It cracked his resolve that he would be cordial; bring forth memories of that night that still seemed so fresh. "I've given you everything."

"I don't want you."

"Xanxus-"

"I'm not the only one that you've given 'everything' to." The Varia leader interjected, not caring to listen. "You're loyal to anyone who will shove their dick into you, trash."

"I was never loyal to him you asshole!"

Xanxus raised his arm into the air, pointing his x-gun directly at Squalo's face. "Get out. I have no use for weak, traitorous garbage." Each word cause flames to jump and lick up the sides of the gun, hungry, feeding off of his ire, his turmoil.

Squalo's eyes widened a fraction, his anger seething and bubbling began to build deep in his gut as he looked down the barrel. His great white snapped its massive jaws as it thrashed in the air, wanting to respond to the threat against Squalo but not being ordered to.

"Fuck you Xanxus. I gave my entire life to you, and for what?" Squalo eyes felt like they were burning, he wasn't sure if it was from looking at Xanxus or frustrated tears unwilling to be shed. He didn't care. "For a nobody, not even a bastard son. You have no soul anymore, I swear."

Xanxus let out a bark of laughter, and then another before a twisted smile settled on his face, eyes dark. "It took you this long to figure out?"

The sharp click of a trigger echoed throughout the room, interrupted only by the sound of heavy pressure as the wrath flames raced to escape his weapon.

The shorter man watched with sick fascination, as did the rest of the Varia as the flaming bullet passed his head by mere inches, a flaming creator in the wall behind him the only evidence, and the smoke billowing from one of Xanxus' x-guns, that the scarred Mafioso had fired in the first place.

Squalo unconsciously gripped his stomach, letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding.

"Get out before I change my mind and do the world a favour."

'_No point in asking him where he thinks I can go, the bastard.'_ Squalo thought as he looked away from those deep eyes, the face he was so familiar with. '_What the hell am I supposed to do? I'm not going back to Byakuran, not when I've finally come here."_

"At least let me see Lussuria for an hour, I'm sick, I need to talk to him." Squalo conceded, letting the small omission slip, partially true.

"Don't listen to that harpy boss! He's trying to garner sympathy to get inside; I bet he's a spy!" Levi sneered, less than pleased to see the sword emperor again.

"Levi! If Squ is sick he needs to be looked at." Lussuria said in his usual pouty voice, marred by an underlying tone of worry.

"Let that whore die in a fucking ditch, he's not staying here." The Varia leader scoffed.

Squalo opened his mouth ready to form a new rebuttal when Xanxus levelled him with a heated stare. He found himself letting his moth snap closed.

"Just let me look at him, please? If I find that he's really sick then he can stay, come on Boss." Lussuria hoped that Xanxus still felt something other than hate for his former rain guardian.

The Varia leader didn't bother to even pretend to consider the flamboyant man's words. "No."

Lussuria brushed the rejection off easily, diving back in. "I'm sure that Squalo wouldn't mind helping out, you wouldn't even notice him around. It's not like he's going to be a part of the team." He prodded.

The room was silent, everyone's attention being divided between the three men, not sure where they should be looking, finally settling on their boss as he turned around.

"A dog lives like a dog."

They stayed silent until they heard a door slamming, the sound breaking them out of their stupor.

"Hmph. You're fortunate that Xanxus-Sama is so lenient and gracious! If it were I, then I would have had you thrown out to the curb the moment you stepped foot through the front gates." Levi's voiced boomed throughout the foyer.

"Yeah well I don't think I'm in danger of you being in charge." Squalo dead panned, sneering at the taller guardian. He let his disdainful looks roll off his back. '_Fucker.'_

"Ushishishi! Squalo, did you miss us?" Bell crowed, blowing a kiss at Squalo. His laughter doubled at the fake gagging he received.

"I've had more than enough of your childishness." The lightening guardian ground out, turning and making his way up the grandiose stairwell.

"Sempai-, why is Levi so mad?" Fran asked, monotone and dazed as Levi pushed past him.

"Shishi! He's pissed cause he'd rather be fucking the boss." The blonde explained as he idly threw a knife into Fran's frog head, grinning when it sunk in. "He's jealous of that harpy over there."

"Voi, knock it off brat."

"Princes don't have to listen to peasants!"

"Boys boys please! We've finally got our sweet Squalo back, don't scare him off!" Lussuria sauntered his way over to the long haired assassin, wrapping his arms around him and trying to cling on. "Let me take a look at you!"

"Voi! Let go of me you freak." Squalo bulked at the vice like grip, which constricted as he fought off the sun guardian. "Get off."

Lussuria noted the flush that had worked its way along the pale skin of his friend, how he was tired from simply attempting to shake him off. The medic grumbled as Squalo spurned his advances, the shark digging his fingers into the other's muscles. Lussuria conceded albeit still crowding his space and took a step back. "Are you okay?" He asked quietly, a serious tone conveyed.

"I-" Squalo's eyes flicked over to the remaining Varia and back, unsure who he could trust if they were to overhear. _I don't even know that weird frog kid. _Oppteing for a half truth seemed to be his best option if anything made it back to his ferocious leader. "No. I really am sick but I don't know why."

"Hm, my poor Squalo." Lussuria clucked his tongue. " I guess I better take you back to the med labs then, have our doctors take a look!"

"No, no doctors. I can't trust them."

The taller man wasn't stupid; he could hear what the rain guardian wasn't saying. _I can only trust you._

"Okay Squalo, we can go to my lab. You'll have plenty of time to tell me everything."

And with that, Squalo was in hell.

* * *

><p>Squalo's time after returning to the Varia mansion hadn't been what he was expecting. Though if he was honest with himself, and he was for the most part, what he had been expecting was something unrealistic. <em>Unrealistic, unattainable, plain fucking stupid. <em>

Even confronting Xanxus had been downright pleasant compared to his current affairs. He had thought that he would come back not to be met with open arms, but surely to be forgiven after a short time. He had been in the dog house, _or something more like hell house, _ever since he'd had been back.

It had been only two weeks since he had returned and he hadn't stopped working since. When Xanxus had told him that 'a dog lives like a dog' it hadn't sunk in what exactly the Italian had condemned him to. Every day he woke up to hours of chores, having to wait on Xanxus hand and foot. _Not to mention I practically live in a fucking closet. This is such bullshit._

He felt that his only true ally was Lussuria, but he couldn't be around all the time. When Squalo had told the sun guardian that he was five weeks pregnant, he had found himself with his eyelid peeled back and a bright light blinding him. The disbelief slowly gave way when the shark broke down and a quick blood test had been done. He had done his best to convey to Xanxus that Squalo was sick and needed rest without giving away his pregnancy.

Is was apparent to Squalo how mad the Varia leader was by the next day when he was woken up by frigid water being dumped on him and a metal bucket being whipped at his head by the cruel Mafioso. His day had been spent following around Xanxus, waiting on every beck and call.

It was what he found himself doing now as he scrubbed his ex-lover's bathroom. Bent over the tub and grumbling as he cursed everyone at the mansion. Sweat beaded on his forehead, a few stray beads slipping off his nose. His morning sickness had eased now that he was seven weeks along, although he would still get bouts now and then.

It was a 'now' time as he furiously scrubbed the porcelain it rocked his body, his stomach making his distress known. Squalo narrowly made it to the toilet before emptying all he had, which wasn't much. _I can't stand this, fuck Xanxus, why can't he just get over it for God's sake. I can't keep living like this._

It was later that day when Squalo hit his breaking point, which surprised him since he thought he would be able to take a lot more of Xanxus' shit. _Guess I'm out of practice. _He thought bitterly, his knuckles white around the wine glass he set down in front of his boss.

He was starving and just wanted to sit down and eat, the only thing he'd had all day was a small sandwich earlier and watching everyone scarf down diner was making him angry and frustrated.

When the white haired man saw Xanxus begin to eat he sighed in relief, knowing it was a silent cue that he was no longer needed, at least not at that moment, and he was allowed to sit and eat. Or it had been.

"What are you doing?" Xanxus asked calmly around a mouthful of steak, already cutting the next piece.

"What?" Bewildered Squalo looked around, trying to see if he forgot something.

"That's not your seat."

It had been the seat right beside the leader, the one he had always took even when he had come back. "I always sit here."

"Animals aren't allowed at the table, that's just bad manners." Red eyes bore into the rain guardian, as angry as ever. "That's fucking disgusting, I'm trying to eat. I don't want a dog slobbering at me."

"What the- Xanxus what do you fucking- I'll just eat in the kitchen then." Squalo mumbled, feeling embarrassment colour his cheeks. He hadn't made it anywhere before an iron grip latched onto his wrist. He jerked a bit, the pain felt crushing and he was sure that he would have bruises.

"In the kitchen? Fucking trash, that's where they make my food. I can't have you in there. I might get sick; I might catch what you've got."

"Xanxus. What do you want me to do?" _I'm not going to fucking beg you._

"Come on Puttana you know where a dog eats."

"You want me to eat on the floor? Are you fucking nuts?"

"You aren't hungry? Well I guess you don't have to eat then." Squalo gritted his teeth, his face crimson with anger and embarrassment he turned to leave the room. The shark felt a tug on his arm, realising he was still in Xanxus' grip.

"You either eat or you stand and wait till I'm done."

Squalo was torn, he wanted to scream and rage and eat the food right of the smug prick's plate. He didn't want to crumble under everyone's judgemental gazes, he didn't want hot tears burning his eyes and stand there like an idiot.

But he didn't know what to do. The assassin wanted to leave, to stay, to eat; He didn't know what embarrassment to suffer, what was the least demeaning option open to him.

Squalo's heart hammered his ribcage. "Fuck you. Why are you doing this?" His adrenaline raced, anger causing his blood to boil, dizziness causing him to stagger a bit. "Aren't I doing enough for you?"

Xanxus hadn't budged a perfect statue as he seemed to ignore anything that wasn't Squalo giving in, choosing not to acknowledge his questions.

The younger man yanked his wrist roughly, surprising Xanxus enough that he was able to jerk himself free. He hadn't expected to be let go so easily and wasn't prepared, his balance lost and his feet came out from underneath him.

"Trash." Xanxus muttered throwing a bone onto the man, carrying on with his meal.

Lussuria was quick to jump out of his seat, rushing to help Squalo up. He was stopped by a growl emanating from his boss and cold eyes conveying command. The sun guardian took a step back solemnly as Squalo slowly got up, struggling as his vision swam. "Careful, you're blood pressure." He managed to murmur as the swordsman skirted past him, trying to ignore the stray tear that had slid its way down his cheek.

"Déjà vu." Bel sniggered at Squalo's retreating back.

Xanxus sat silently, his eyes trained on his former lover until he was out of sight before he resumed eating; the others following suit.

* * *

><p>Squalo sat alone in his miniscule room bitter and hungry, the only sounds were his own grumbling stomach. <em>I'm finally home.<em>

* * *

><p>I will for sure finish the story but it might take a while so yah.<p> 


	9. Call Me What You Want

Chapter 8  
>Call Me What You Want<p>

"Squalo please, I understand this is difficult but you can't keep this up." Lussuria muttered as he deftly checked over the assassin, trying to be quick while he was being so uncommonly docile. "You can't be waiting all night to eat."

"What am I supposed to do?"

The healer was quiet for a moment as he worked. He was slightly taken aback by the dejectedness being exuded by Squalo, but he reluctantly accepted that the years had not been good to the man; they still weren't.

Lussuria sighed as he looked through his cabinets for any vitamins he could give to the shark, not sure what to give him. "You have to tell him Squalo."

"Fuck off." Squalo spit out. _I want real advice, not a death sentence. _

"I'm being serious. You know as well as I do, better than I do in fact, that last night was tame for him. You're lucky Xanxus didn't jump up and throttle you." He passed a few pills he managed to scrounge up and cup of water. "I'm surprised he didn't shoot you."

Squalo sat idly for a few moments. "Me too." He muttered before downing what he assumed were vitamins. They were still for a few minutes, both engrossed in their own thoughts.

"I don't see how the situation can deteriorate any more, even if he doesn't change, that the news doesn't affect him, I don't see how you could stay here." Lussuria ignored the pointed look sent his way. "I'm trying to be honest, not cruel. He's working you like a dog and it's only going to get worse. Who knows how he'll react when you start showing?"

"Lussuria I can't. He's going to go psychotic, and that's if he even believes me. He might just shoot me in the head once and for all if I tried to leave again. I've only been here for two weeks and it took grovelling to just be in this situation."

"I can't force you Squalo, and I think Xanxus would take the news better if it came from you. Having to seek you out will only make him more agitated."

_That's an understatement times ten. _Squalo ran his fingers through his long hair, taking a moment to remember what it symbolized. _I would do anything for you. I've strived to make you happy, to be fulfilled. You didn't need those smug snobs adoration, not like I did. Maybe we can be something again; we've shared so much, for so long._

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"I'll tell him." He conceded, standing up he met his comrades gaze; he couldn't discern the sun guardian's emotions but he felt comforted slightly anyway, even if it was only minuscule fraction.

"When will you tell him?"

"Now."

_Before I lose my god damn nerve, how pathetic._

* * *

><p>Squalo traced over the ornate carving that decorated Xanxus' office door with his eyes for what felt like the fiftieth time. He had been standing outside of the large dark doors for about twenty minutes. At first he had simply dreaded telling his boss the truth, but now he felt that Xanxus would take it so much worse. He was supposed to report back in fifteen minutes ago, but his nerves were no longer so steely and he had let himself down again. He had gone over his allotted appointment time and he would have to cop to that as well if he didn't want Lussuria to get the shit end of the stick.<p>

With a deep breath that didn't quite fill his lungs he dug deep and found resolve. The assassin pushed one of the doors open, letting it slam shut behind himself.

The dark haired leader made no move to acknowledge that he saw his former rain guardian, his focus still seemingly on his paperwork. He let his pen scratch lazily across the report currently placed in front of him.

Squalo slowly walked towards Xanxus, stopping a few feet away from the large desk and the man behind it; he stood quietly, anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach the longer he was ignored. It was one of Xanxus' favourite ways to let the shark know he was pissed off at him as well as degrade him a little.

He didn't know how long he would have to wait and his feet had been hurting all day, now they were throbbing. His pale grey eyes kept jumping to the plush chairs and Squalo decided to test how much trouble he was in. He placed a hand on the top of the closest seat, his eyes focused on the scared Italian. With nothing more than a 'tsch' and Xanxus' eyebrows lowering slightly, it was all the invitation the white haired man needed before easing into the comfort the lavish seat provided.

Squalo didn't want to tell him, more so now that they were sitting together. It almost felt companionable; the silence was no longer so tense it was bordering on a tentative calm. _But I have to, I can't keep this from him._

"Xanxus," Squalo murmured. "I'm uh, sorry. I didn't mean to take so long, it's not Lussuria's fault I took too long getting back." He waited for Xanxus to do something, but when he continued to write Squalo pressed on. "I have something I really need to tell you. Something I should have told you as soon as I came back."

At the solemn tone Xanxus' pen finally paused in its scrolling. Dark eyes looked up searching the pale assassin's face. Whatever he saw was enough to make him forgo the reports entirely, leaning back in his chair with his head resting on a propped up fist.

It was so iconically Xanxus, to look bored and angry and so many things all at once while sitting in that pose; it made Squalo pause for a moment, having to push down feelings he wish he didn't have.

"I'm pregnant."

Deep baritone laughter filled the room in lieu of the silence Squalo thought he would have been faced with. It seemed that Xanxus had believed he was trying to make a joke at his own expense, or perhaps that the rain guardian had finally snapped under the mistreatment.

Hs crowing didn't last long, a mere moment before his eyes were once again half lidded and angry. "Stop fucking around and get out of my office, go clean something." The Italian commanded before picking his pen up once more.

"Voi I'm serious! You can ask Lussuria, I'm already about two months along." Squalo yelled as his anger suddenly flared and he ripped the pen out of Xanxus' hand and threw it at the wall. It landed with a small clattering sound and both the Varia's eyes on it, before they slowly returned their gazes back to each other.

Fury was evident on Xanxus' face as he stood abruptly; knocking his chair back and striding around the desk he stopped in front of the shark simply staring at him. Squalo let out a garbled shout as the cruel man's hand shot out and gripped his throat tightly, squeezing his windpipe closed.

"And why should I care trash?" Xanxus hissed bitterly, pulling Squalo out of his seat and almost dangling him in the air. "Did you come here to parade some bastard son around? Did you have sweet fantasies that I would forgive you and love you?" He mocked sneering at the hands scrabbling at his wrist trying to get free; choking gasps trying to suck in hair filled the silence when Xanxus was quiet. "Did you want to rub your abandonment in my face with Byakuran's child? I know it's his!"

The Mafioso let go of Squalo, watching as he stumbled back into the chair and tipping over along with it. His deep red eyes watched as the thin figure clutched at his throat that was red and raw looking, gasping for breath as tears trickled from the corners of his pale grey eyes; the lack of oxygen making the guardian's eyes water and face turn a distressing purple hue.

Xanxus bent down over the smaller man and grabbed at the back of Squalo's head, his calloused finger entwining in the soft strands painfully. "You can thank your bastard child's father for your fate, puttana. You think I give a shit about you? You're worthless." A beseeching growl rumbled lowly, drawing Xanxus' attention to his box weapon. Bester slunk around the desk, a soft growl leaving his maw as the beast looked at its master, the two seemed to have a silent exchange.

Squalo cried out as his arm was grabbed roughly and he was half dragged to the door, his feet trying to get purchase and get underneath himself without much success. He desperately wanted to scream out that it was Xanxus', that he would never carry Byakuran's child. But doubt squirmed in the back of his mind, and he couldn't be sure that it really was the man that he loved fathering his baby. "Xanxus!"

"Don't speak to me you filthy mongrel."

With those parting words Squalo found himself out in the hallway shaking and a door slammed in his face.

* * *

><p>Xanxus couldn't shake the feelings that plagued him like he usually did; unable to burn them away like unseen enemies. His attempts at ignoring the fury and guilt that gnawed at him failed, even a sense of quilt and shame had began to surface.<p>

He had waited so long for Squalo to come back to the Varia, to him. He had put off taking a new rain guardian and openly refused assigning a new second even though it had left much of the Varia's workings in disarray. But the news of Squalo's pregnancy was another failure rubbed in his face. He had let another man not only take what was his but claim it forever.

Xanxus walked over to his seat and sunk down onto the soft upholstery and let out a deep sigh. He was only so free when he was alone or with Squalo, though the later was no longer true. He felt Bester's soft fur brush along his arm and leg before the liger plopped down beside him companionably; the large cat able to respond to his emotions so easily even when the scarred man couldn't even understand what he was feeling.

The thought of the only person he had ever gotten close to, the man he was able to trust, was carrying his seemingly new enemy's child was grinding. The fact that Squalo could even become pregnant was confusing and he wasn't even sure how that had happened, though thoughts of experiments and body manipulation crossed his mind. Xanxus had believed time travel and animals imbued with flames had been the extent of the craziness that made up his life, but this was something else to throw in the fire. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know, if the answers were worse than enduring his curiosity.

What Squalo had been doing, how he was doing was a big blank spot that sat ill with Xanxus. He could admit that he had never really treated the smaller man kindly but it had been a silent conflict that both had participated in; they knew where they had stood with each other.

His brooding was cut short by the shrill ringing of his phone, he had no intention of answering the old black phone and after a while the ringing finally stopped. He sunk into his chair a little more but the ringing started up once more and Xanxus reefed the set of it's cradle biting out a rough greeting. "What do you want trash?" The Varia leader wanted to hang up when he heard the Vongola's familiar stammering.

"Um, w-well I was just making sure that our meeting was still happening?" Tsuna managed to mutter out, his reason for calling sounding more like a question than anything. "Dino said there may be some upsets with the Varia right now…"

"Feh, I don't fucking care what that trash Bucking Horse has been saying."

"Sorry uh, I didn't mean anything by it. We'll be there in a few days."

The tanned mafia boss snorted as he heard the click of the line cutting off after a quick farewell and he hung up himself. Although the Vongola brat had grown and toughened up somewhat, he still seemed to be nervous talking to Xanxus; it wasn't a fact that really mattered to him but Xanxus did find some humour in it.

Not enough to stop his thoughts backing to Squalo again though, his mood souring even more.

* * *

><p>A large t.v. sat in a semi dark room, the images on the screen casting the inhabitants in flashes of colour. It was how Squalo found the rest of the Varia when he had calmed down enough to move from the spot Xanxus had dumped him; seeking out a place to hide away from the man for a while. The rain guardian had no intentions of doing any chores today; instead he grabbed some food from the kitchen and headed towards the guardian's separate den.<p>

It was rare for everyone to have down time all together and even more so that the assassin's would chose to spend it with one another but it did happen once in a while. It was even stranger for Squalo since he had hardly seen any of them outside of meals, save for Lussuria and Xanxus. _It's kind of nice. _He admitted to himself as the lithe man looked over his former teammates. _When did I get so God damn sappy?_

He felt more than saw Lussuria's gaze on him, the flamboyant sun guardian's sunglasses hide his eyes but Squalo felt their lingering presence anyways. Squalo shook his head, hoping that the other wouldn't say anything and trusted him to have more sense than that.

"Ah Squalo, all done for the day?" Lussuria asked jovially and the sword wielder sighed in relief.

"Yeah I guess you could say that. What are you trash watching?" Squalo asked before taking a bit of his spanakopita.

"Dusk till Dawn." Levi muttered with disdain, looking both thoroughly annoyed and offended. Squalo was mostly sure he himself was the cause of the lighting guardian's foul mood as they had never gotten along; jealousy and contempt had put a seemingly insurmountable wall between them.

It didn't bother Squalo all that much, he had no time for people who let resentment and petty notions sway their minds to such an extent. Levi wasn't so bad once you got past the fact he worshiped Xanxus like the man shit gold and Squalo could tolerate him generally.

"Ah Sempai wouldn't stop whining so we had to watch what he wanted." Fran explained in his usual monotone voice earning him a knife in his giant frog head. The small teen gave no indication he had been assaulted save for a small gravely bleat.

"A prince doesn't whine. I get to choose the movies we watch because you peons have no taste."

"You chose the most cheesy, raunchy movie. Who in this room doesn't have taste?" The white haired assassin rolled his eyes and the room was quiet once more, everyone's attention focused on the screen.

_It's almost nice, being with everyone. _Thoughts of Xanxus and their earlier exchange put a damper on his thoughts and Squalo found himself unable to focus on the old film. _Everyone except that piece of shit…_

* * *

><p><strong>***UpdatesRequests/Questions*****

I had so many ideas for what could happen this chapter and I was really trying to think of what Xanxus would do when he received the news. So much did I want to have him be enamoured and confused by the fact that Squalo was pregnant and voice it but I don't think he would react that way. He would toss that raggedy ho out xD I figured that people might want to see the other characters a bit and how they might interact as things are as well. Also do you guys want me to explain/create how Squalo got pregnant? Cause I wasn't really planning on it but I can work it in so let me know.

Something that's so annoying that really pulls me out of a story is when people don't consider what a character would actually wear, eat, watch etc. and they put their own tastes but it seems weird and disjointed and I tried to stay away from that. I don't know if I actually succeeded since I didn't realise how difficult it is not to do that! I sat there trying to think of what movie the Varia would want to watch with all their conflicting personalities and all I could think of was movies I like haha. Dusk till Dawn is still bad ass so whatever!

Once again sorry for how long it's taking, I just have to worry about myself and my real life comes first. Nothing is really wrong or anything I just have crap going on like school. It's not really been edited or looked over since reading my own writing is so boring and I can't edit to save my life anyways, but once I finish I will go over the chapters and fix crap! I only have two chapters and an epilogue planned after this so fear not the end is in sight! I may also be taking requests for one shots of any pairing you people want from any fandom, just to help get rid of my writer's blocks (which is why my chapters have been so slow going, who knew you could get writer's block even if your story is fully planned out?!) so just throw ideas at me and I'll see what I can do. I probably won't do all requests just wanting to say that now :P


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